Conversation

Is contentedness learnable? Google turn up 90% Christian stuff, 10% other stuff like zen, minimalism etc. Nothing actually good. Didn’t find any studies of it as an innate or learnable trait. Asking for a friend (really... I’m pretty content myself but no clue how to teach it)
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Hmm.
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Replying to @vgr
I wonder whether it is not about having “enough” experience, as in Rousseau: «The person who has lived the most is not the one with the most years but the one with the richest experiences. » That is, “enough” along a crash-driven life.
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I think there’s a huge divide between people who find discontent stressful and consciously seek contentment strategies (easy minority) and ones who are blind to how it’s affecting them and don’t until they have a serious crisis and it’s too late.
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Replying to
There’s a value judgment here of course as well as an objective one. I think a few who think they want a billion dollars are right and should actually go for it because they have the talents and a healthy pathway. Others, for various reasons, are wrong, and mostly shouldn’t.
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Cf: "Socialism never took root in America because the poor see themselves not as an exploited proletariat but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires." — John Steinbeck
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A lot of the responses are suggestions I just can’t see discontented types following, like ever. They strike me as “you have one innate trait X. To address problems it causes, develop this other innate trait Y.” Like “you want to be good at basketball? First be tall.”
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It’s a general problem with advice. Personality issues can only be addressed using other traits and circumstances that are likely to accompany them. Not criticizing the responses. Many are good for the fraction of people they might apply to. The problem is the fraction is small.
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Eg: I’m sure gratitude journaling helps manage discontent. I just think the intersection of “discontented people” and “people who will give gratitude journaling a serious try” is very small. Most people attracted to the practice are probably not seriously discontented.
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Mostly, I only see dramatic personality changes in people in the brief windows after acute shock/trauma events and/or major life circumstance changes like a new city or job.
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It’s like we unconsciously recognize some personality issues as so foundational, we only attack them when there is a window of opportunity to reset foundations because of a major boundary condition changing.
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It’s subtle. You can tell they’re not content to be discontented because they’re trying remedies all around it. You can tell it’s not working because it’s not working and their frustration is compounding. My (possibly wrong) hypothesis is they’re in denial about discontent.
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Replying to @vgr
I kind of agree but then also if someone is discontent enough (and conscious of it – big if!), then would they not be motivated to try xyz? Meaning they don't have to feel innately attracted to it, just bothered enough by current state to try solutions
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This thread is probably ill-posed in some way. But there’s a there there. It’s not one of those “it’s not a problem if they don’t think it’s a problem.” Like a gravity lens effect. You know the black hole is there because light warps around it.
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I’m also disregarding the positive social effects and focusing on the personal negative effects. As with many traits, discontent may be adaptive at species level. If 10 in 100 people are discontented, and 1 in 10 of those innovates, all wins, but 10 people are still unhappy.
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I think what marks discontent as dysfunctional is that it is not a sort of steady-burn ambition but more an undirected fragility. You are over-sensitive to/over-react to unsatisfactory conditions but it isn't the same as a controlled drive to fix specific things that feel wrong.
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hmm (3)
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Replying to @vgr
I've experienced this after traumatic events in my life, turns out there is a name for it but it is not very well researched. Personally, I think trauma offers the opportunity to either change or double-down on your path, but which will occur is not set. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-trau
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