I rarely block or openly break up with people. Passive aggressive ghosting is more my style đź‘».
Realized from a private discussion when/why I go openly hostile — when somebody is “more dangerous as a friend than as an enemy.”
It’s still in single digits for me.
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Another realization from same discussion. I’ve sharply withdrawn from the podcast circuit (esp 1:1 and esp audio) because interviews create a weird kind of mutual political complicity. I get now what McLuhan meant when he classified radio as a hot, retribalizing medium.
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It’s the symmetry that does it where host is a foreground personality rather than a “questioner from nowhere” like a journalist. Audio amplifies the effect, but it can happen in personality-centric text media too, like newsletter or blogs.
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This is also why, though I’ve done a couple of interviews as host just to try it, it’s not my thing. I can’t fade into the background enough for it to be entirely about guest, but if I put myself in the foreground, a cordial conversation turns into “proof of political alliance”
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The relationship between the two realizations is that interviewing or being interviewed by a *person* as opposed to by a representative of an org creates a costly public relationship. If you need to move them into “safer as enemy” box later, it will cost you more.
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Note... it doesn’t mean if I say no to a podcast invite I think the person is a potential hostile. About 99% of the time it will be fine. It just means I don’t know yet, and there’s really not enough upside to figure it out since there’s such a glut of interview content now.
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1:1 interviews are mutual social validation. You’re implicitly vouching for each other for honorary partial membership in your respective social circles.
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Replying to @vgr
complicity how??
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To be clear, I enjoyed most the podcasts guestings I’ve done (knowledge project, longform, econtalk were especially fun to go on) and don’t regret even the ones I was a bit bored to go on (hosting well so guests are not hired is a real skill that seems to take time to acquire).
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I don’t mind text/email interviews as much. Less demanding, safer, and easier to turn into a fun bunnytrail I want to think about for myself anyway.
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* hired = bored 2 tweets up 🤣
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Depends on the person. It could be interpersonal danger via bad behavior within a nominally friendly relationship, fallout/collateral damage from stupid shit they pull near you, messes they drag you into without asking, reputational danger by association (“Epstein induction”?)...
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Replying to @vgr
What constitutes "danger"?
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Many of these risks also exist in more dilute form in the burgeoning salon scene (Zoom, clubhouse). An interesting precursor was the Edge conversations. A lot of that content was pretty good, but it’s now all kinda gone toxic from Epstein induction fallout.
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Again, the risks might be worth it if the upsides were genuinely high. But the culture wars have basically sharply lowered the upside while simultaneously increasing the costs.
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My suspicion is, if you don’t like drama in your media participation, it’s best to go mostly solo for the next few years, and vet all collaborative efforts carefully with a default “no” posture. Like it or not, each instance is a political capital investment.
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Treat any significant PR opp with the same lens you would a job offer. It may seem more casual and transient but it’s not really.
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I suspect a lot of waldenponding is misdirected social risk aversion. It’s not being online too much that’s toxic and brain-rotting. It’s being too uncritically social about it. You can be Very Online and stress-free if you resist the temptation to be too sociable.
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Not surprisingly the biggest waldenponders are usually the ones who really hustle to sell something with a limited window. Like a trendy or time-sensitive product/message. The pressure to sell tempts you into social risks your gut recognizes and punishes you for. Result: burnout.
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One of my free strategic options is that I’m never in a hurry to sell anything I’m doing so I’m never under artificial pressure to be more visible than I want to be. Hidden benefit of self-publishing and indie consulting on relatively time-insensitive stuff.
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