Bernie-AOC far leftism: a large crowd marches by and one of them promises that moving your table will be part of the green new deal, but if you won’t match with them to defund the police, owning tables will be declared fascist
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Liberalism: you and I have a civil debate about table moving and agree that Enlightenment values are good and have caused 10% more tables to be moved every year for 3 centuries. Our own tables don’t move, but we decide we’re happier leaving them where they are.
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Mansionism: I build a smol mansion around wherever my table currently is, fuck you plebe
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Covidism: both tables now have termites and we each accelerate our efforts to apply our preferred solutions
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Monarchism: I declare both tables kone by divine right and you have a duty to serve me by moving both my tables single-handed while singing my praises for the honor. You refuse my reasonable offer and we both start trying to kill each other.
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Techism: there is now an app tracking the positions of the table. The tables don’t move for years and the PE firm that bought the app gets tired and sells it at a discount to SoftBank. Under their board pressure, the app introduces a new feature: Table Stories.
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* kone = mine 2 tweets up Financialism. Securitized table movement instruments are now being traded worldwide. A fly lands on one table. The market crashes and a recession is triggered.
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Rationalism: we log table positions every minute and attempt to predict when they’ll move by Solomonoff induction Metarationalism: we trade tables, each move to the other table, agree that table ownership and mobility are nebulous concepts, and declare ourselves Kegan Level 5
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Post-rationalism: we discuss the form of the tables according to the Christopher Alexander pattern typology and do a little dancing ritual around both tables.
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Mediocritism: I crawl under my table, arrange some broken down Amazon cardboard boxes around the legs for walls, call it my mansion, and take a nap. You get mad and write a manifesto about how the culture of mediocrity is preventing tables from being moved
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This has been my warmup thread to see if I have the stamina to do a 100-jokes type thread for @threadapalooza next week
Dunno. It’s hard. I’ll take another nap under my tabke to think about whether I can do it.
Also this is a mansion thread. Nobody else can reply 
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This premise is rich. I could probably do 100 table jokes. But I won’t.
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