Conversation

you want to move a long heavy table, I want to move a long heavy table how do we get both wants fulfilled? some solutions:
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socialism: destroy one table, move other one together and share it forever, learning to hate each other with a passion libertarianism: both lift one end of theirs and yell prices at each other to come help; neither table moves, but eventually we put our stalemate on a blockchain
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neoliberalism: each of us drags our table by one end, straining our backs and damaging both tables, now both of us have crappy moved tables and medical bills
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Ethnonationalism: if you and I are the same race, we try to help each other move our respective ancient tables handed down from our ancestors but neither will fit in a modern home. If we’re not the same race we try to burn each other’s tables.
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Wokeism: we each paint our tables in rainbow colors and forget that we wanted to move them, and now we have just have rainbow tables to move and paint to pay for
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Table moving with Chinese characteristics: The CCP comes over and makes table moving part of the belt-and-road initiative and gives you both a loan and then forecloses on your tables when you can’t pay, but then realizes it doesn’t know how to move the tables either
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Trumpism: heavy turd rains suddenly occur, breaking both tables under the weight, and a voice shouts from somewhere that there are actually 200 tables, not 2, tables like nobody’s ever seen, and it’s fake news that they’re covered in turds and that the turds are actually liberal
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Bernie-AOC far leftism: a large crowd marches by and one of them promises that moving your table will be part of the green new deal, but if you won’t match with them to defund the police, owning tables will be declared fascist
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Liberalism: you and I have a civil debate about table moving and agree that Enlightenment values are good and have caused 10% more tables to be moved every year for 3 centuries. Our own tables don’t move, but we decide we’re happier leaving them where they are.
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Monarchism: I declare both tables kone by divine right and you have a duty to serve me by moving both my tables single-handed while singing my praises for the honor. You refuse my reasonable offer and we both start trying to kill each other.
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Techism: there is now an app tracking the positions of the table. The tables don’t move for years and the PE firm that bought the app gets tired and sells it at a discount to SoftBank. Under their board pressure, the app introduces a new feature: Table Stories.
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* kone = mine 2 tweets up Financialism. Securitized table movement instruments are now being traded worldwide. A fly lands on one table. The market crashes and a recession is triggered.
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Rationalism: we log table positions every minute and attempt to predict when they’ll move by Solomonoff induction Metarationalism: we trade tables, each move to the other table, agree that table ownership and mobility are nebulous concepts, and declare ourselves Kegan Level 5
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Post-rationalism: we discuss the form of the tables according to the Christopher Alexander pattern typology and do a little dancing ritual around both tables.
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Mediocritism: I crawl under my table, arrange some broken down Amazon cardboard boxes around the legs for walls, call it my mansion, and take a nap. You get mad and write a manifesto about how the culture of mediocrity is preventing tables from being moved
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This has been my warmup thread to see if I have the stamina to do a 100-jokes type thread for next week 🤔 Dunno. It’s hard. I’ll take another nap under my tabke to think about whether I can do it. Also this is a mansion thread. Nobody else can reply 😎
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