There is no good word for this, but it’s the opposite of paternalism, where you pretend that obvious naifs desperately looking for mentors are competent adults, flatter their adulthood conceits, and tacitly encourage their natural tendencies that lead to postures useful to you.
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It’s like teaching takeoffs while withholding the knowledge that landings are far harder to master. You’re setting your padawan up for a crash landing, not shortening their learning curves.
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Everybody defaults into de facto teacherhood simply by virtue of growing older. Younger people will take cues from you even if you don’t craft them. But you have a responsibility to avoid modeling lessons your life doesn’t actually stand for or validate. Primum non boxers.
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It is fine to abdicate this responsibility consciously (not hard, just say “don’t take your cues from me, your circumstances aren’t the same”) but if you don’t, you’re more responsible for what others pick up from you than you might think.
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Heh people should write anti-biographies. “Lessons not to draw from my life or things I say and do because of invisible special circumstances, luck, and hidden incentives shaping how I appear to you”
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End of conversation
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also applies to parents
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My personal belief somewhat related to this is that the greatest sin an older person can commit is to speak discouragement or heedlessness to a younger person.
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Yes! I get the sense this has been pervasive since the 90s and has broken inter-generational knowledge transfer. Adults frame their own rules as reminders to young adults who already "know better." They forget the kids don't actually know better, and now lack crucial context.
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