Conversation

Replying to
If you feel like you’re going to bust through lack of clarity about what you actually want with raw force, you’re in for disappointment. Motivational ambiguity and uncertainty is not the same as environmental uncertainty and ambiguity. It doesn’t yield to brute force.
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The 20s are easy. Almost everything people think they want turns out to be indirectly about wanting sex or a partner (or dealing with inability to get them). Once you sort out your feelings about that, motivation around other things gets much simpler. Things get messy at age 30.
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Kids know how to actually want things until they turn into teens. Then it gets so hard, they start failing badly at it, attribute it to “angst” and decide they’ll never be able to want things with the clarity of 8-year-olds again. Not true. Just gotta learn adult version.
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A lot of goal-selection precision is just emotional range in disguise. The more feelings you’ve felt, and the wider the range of intensities, the more the right goals will click unmistakably in any situation. Gen Z seems to be rediscovering Gendlin/focusing for training this.
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Verbal precision is equally important for complex goals though. Goal-motivation-fit is the right word or phrase locking into the right precise emotion about a thing.
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For simpler, more somatic goals, something like the description of archery in Herrigel’s Zen and the art of archery is a good guide. Or the inner game of tennis. But for something like a large corporate team project, words become necessary.
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A bad failure mode is when means are clearer than ends. You half-ass learning to want “get a good job” because the means, “do well in college” doesn’t require that clarity of purpose. Then you get the job and realize you don’t want it because you never interrogated the goal.
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Incompletion typo in tweet 2. Should read “because under or overshooting what you seriously want kills motivation”
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A big part of locking on to motivationally sustainable goals is learning to quit unsustainable ones. This means taking “not feeling it” feeling seriously. It’s almost always a necessary and sufficient reason to quit. Or phone it in at bare minimum if you can’t quit practically.
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Replying to
Sometimes you can name the reason for quitting (eg “afraid”) and that itself can supply a new motivation for doing it (“build courage”). But then you’ll do it differently. Like running at the high risk part instead of navigating around it wondering why you’re doing it at all.
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