Conversation

“Where to live next year” decision is turning out to be NP-hard. Wife and I are gleefully vetoing each other’s ideas and getting nowhere. “Too snowy” “Too dry” “I need a decent airport” “Need a Whole Foods” ... Megacities: unsustainably overpriced Schelling points from hell.
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There are only 3 American stories. 1. Never moved away from Smalltown 2. Sustainably living in Charismatic Bigcity, having moved from Smalltown 3. Crashed out of Charismatic Bigcity to Different Smalltown that exists as a living critique of the former
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Varun gets it, A city is not a candidate until I understand what continuation it represents. It’s a narrative extension problem. The constraint satisfaction part is merely the legible bit so it’s easy to get caught up in that.
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Replying to @vr00n @kellybianucci and @DanielleMorrill
You’re possibly the only one among people responding who is grokking the way I’m trying to frame the problem. 😀 It’s not a constraint satisfaction problem. It is a narrative extension problem with a set of constraints.
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The city you live in is a *powerful* predictor and embodiment of the story you’re enacting, especially in the context of the series that came before. If you don’t have a good narrative justification for why you’re moving there, you won’t last long (unless you get trapped there)
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One of the best arguments against the big economy and in favor of paycheck career is in fact “too much freedom.” With paycheck career, job hunting = lifestyle design. Your next job locks down your next chapter.
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Another thing single people don’t appreciate (going by responses) is that the couple version of the problem is an entirely different problem. Qualitatively different.
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Loop linking macro cities thread
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Since WW2, the story of humanity has increasingly been the story of the top 100 or so charismatic big cities. The ones that can each lay claim to an important subplot of the human story. Not necessarily the biggest ones but the ones that you instantly associate with a big story.
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The only thing more fraught than giving people city advice is giving them dating advice probably. Career advice is less fraught, coming in at #3. Wonder why there aren’t “city match” sites the way there are dating, marriage, and job sites.
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Chicago: you're at acceptance | premium mediocre. Big city without status pressure: the most ambitious leave. What's left: every (non-top) slice of economy/culture, none dominant. Climate functionally matches NYC. Walk/transit/car lifestyles all ok. Prices workable. Nicer parks.
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My husband and I moved cities last year. At first, I let other people's opinions (real and imagined) influence how I felt about each option way, way too much. You've got to write your 'narrative' for yourself, not for your readers, I think. They'll come along.
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A lot of later-in-life moves are motivated partly by new hobbies/interests, like mentioned. Maybe thinking of the new locs in terms of what new activities they'll allow for will help with the narrative aspect. Each place = chance to try on a new identity 🏄‍♂️👨‍🌾📷
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