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0/ It is FESTIVUS. Let the airing of grievances begin. Here is my Festivus pole. You may QT this to share your own grievance thread.
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1/ My first grievance is that there is no lazy way to score an aluminum pole. I looked in the trash room and there wasn't one. I meant to make a pencil sized one out of kitchen foil but forgot. Finally, I taped a stainless steel straw to my desk. Tiny and the wrong metal. 🤬
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2/ Speaking of which, my memory is starting to go, thanks to both regular aging and the fact that my life has grown more complicated gradually, without commensurate increase in money or number of butlers (still 0) to help deal with it. This sucks.
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3/ My third grievance is against health nuts. I'd *like* to regularly and loudly whine about middle-age health problems on twitter, except I know the health nazis will instantly sealion me with annoying unwanted and unsolicited advice, so I have to keep it in and get stressed out
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4/ My fourth grievance is a generalization of #3: against advice-givers in general. Why can't I just get on this website and complain about shit without hordes of "helpful" people rushing in to process their own damn insecurities by giving ME advice?
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To all these helpful assholes I say: GTFO with your damn optimized 0% body fat paleo lifestyle with nootropicalized optimal cognition and sleep. Anyone within vaguely rhyming distance of this article should be shipped off to snekfire land Australia
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Just because YOUR life is a meaningless void of screaming existential terror that you want to escape by shaping your mind and body into a perfect tool for perfectly denied nihilsm, don't try to suck me into your headspace
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5/ American desserts are cloying and too sweet and there's far too much of them compared to savories and this sucks
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6/ My sixth grievance is that for many of my worst grievances, there is no specific group of people I can harbor the grievance AGAINST because they are the result of Molochian systems that are out to get me in particular
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7/ My seventh grievance is against IDEALISTS of all kinds, who sell you a PREMIUM MEDIOCRE vision of the human condition in a BENEVOLENT UNIVERSE that totally sets you up for LIFE SHOCK and then you have to work hard to reset expectations to MEDIOCRE in an APATHETIC UNIVERSE 🤬😡
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8/ My eighth grievance is against Americans and their goddamn YOUTH FETISH that treats aging as a disease, mortality with aggressively traumatizing denial, and serious illnesses as sports movies, to be beaten with a montage and chutzpah, thereby making hard things harder.
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9/ People who haven't yet learned the VAMPIRE SNEEZE 10 years after it was invented and still sneeze into their hands just before touching door handles and stuff. What's the deal with you? Are you stupid, or just actively malicious and trying to make the rest of us sick?
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10/ Grievance TEN is against the LEVEL-ONE BOSS. Hustle-porn peddlers. They are the absolute WORST. Generalized health-nut screaming void idealist mediocrities who think they are special and do existential equivalent of sneezing into hands and touching door handles. G.T.F.O.
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11/ My ELEVENTH grievance is that after all this airing, much of my grievance remains unprocessed as a vague sense of undirected resentment I can't even label let alone blame on the right people. So I'll stop here, having achieved only mild palliation of my grievances 🤬
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12/ ONE MORE. Aggressively self-satisfied and un-self-aware mediocrities who are 110% convinced everything that is wrong with their lives is the result of broken systems. They are the first of the Level 2 villains, and I'll pick up here in 2020.
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A good way to convince yourself you're special when you're not is to act like the system is more broken than it is. Explains the following equation in a self-congratulatory way. observed outcome=(my ability)*(system brokenness)
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