97/ there is a piece of folk knowledge floating around that "one person can never meet all your needs" so you ought to assemble a kind of diversified social portfolio as a conflict-prevention tactic.
this isn't exactly wrong, but it isn't exactly right either.
Conversation
98/ for reasons varying from practical/logistical to spiritual, it can still be quite frustrating when someone refuses to bundle needs that you'd like to come from specifically them.
totally a la carte social life is as untenable as a completely unified one.
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99/ still, deciding where to stop at searching for friends/partners (a kind of secretary problem) is *your* problem, not other person's.
so it's fighting dirty to dig into relationship for a while then way after the fact try to cram them into your unfilled social needs.
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100/ "attachment" has been oversold.
surprisingly, the less you need other people to support/soothe you, the closer you can get to them.
I am influenced by the concept of differentiation in the work of David Schnarch, good overview here
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101/ dirty tactics may be better at getting people to do what you want. indeed, that's part of why they're wrong!
fighting clean asks us to be satisfied with that which may not in fact satisfy
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102/ but differentiation is the gift that keeps on giving:
not needing other people to do what you want in the first place.
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103/ bodily hygiene is about managing dirt properly, not seeing that it's never created or encountered - a fool's errand with steeply diminishing marginal returns.
similarly, social hygiene is about knowing when, where, why, and how much to avoid dirtiness.
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104/ ask me about my Aristotle tattoo.
I'm going for diner food now.
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105/
| ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ |
| Who wants a |
| Threadapalooza |
| t shirt |
|___________|
(\__/) ||
(•ㅅ•) ||
/ づ
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106/ followup insight-
postrationalism : rationalism
non-ideal relationship conflict theory: ideal theory
(all that stuff I said) : ideologies like nonviolent communication, boundaries, fixing "communication," etc
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