Minus the sacred connotations of "leadership", there's a deep, underlying emotional transaction in a moment of "genuine" leading-and-following. Roughly, I think, the leader and followers all want and expect the leader to direct the will of the followers.
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This is not primarily about general prestige, alpha-male-type dominance, or who has escalation dominance -- though the momentary leader will have the highest social status local to that group and moment, and everyone in the group will know it on some level.
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Hiking in the rain with my husband & daughter, I slid down a rocky cliff. He led by hyper-focusing on advising & encouraging me & keeping our daughter safe. I followed by trusting his advice, asking for help/clarification, & detaching from emotion & anything beyond my next step.
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Not really. Part of that whole rational anarchist thing I got from Heinlein is that I don't take orders from anyone who isn't better armed than I am, and then only for long enough to get out of range. Everything else is just suggestions, and I only take good suggestions.
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Followed a mentor. Following was mainly learning and mimicry
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Yes, my husband, who has a general’s temperament and leads by plunging into the fray and teaching through example. It’s a lead both soft and firm, neither coercive nor explicitly persuasive, like a dance. To follow is to trust and to enjoy that sort of power.
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Following is patience.
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Yes though it took me a long time to learn to suspend my "I know better" tendency without also suspending my better judgement.
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A leader has to balance access to the team's collective decision making capacity against stability of their position as leader. The same is true for access to collective execution capacity, but the relatively stable ratios of leader to team size are *way* higher.
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“observe, assist, perform”
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