I've lately gravitated to using a single key diagnostic for reading people: what behavior that you're normally capable of collapses under stress?
You need the two sets of observations under distinct conditions to use this obviously, but it's one of the least noisy tests.
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Typical relaxed --> stress transitions:
INTPs lose foxy curiosity and turn into
INTJ caricature hedgehogs.
ENTPs lose capacity for affection/intimacy and turn into weak Field Marshal ENTJs
Using Myers-Briggs for convenience (the test isn't dependent on a specific mdoel)
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The stressed personality is always a weak/fragile/brittle version of an adjacent personality type that others do more comfortably/natively. So a good way to suss it out is to ask "what is this behavior a bad/incompetent version of?"
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Agreed, this is a highly situationist model. Often the transition is the same but is wildly variable in appropriateness to the stressor. Going "weak hedgehog" for me is good when workflow chaos is mounting, but not a good response to emotional trauma for example.
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An essential element you're leaving out is, in my experience, two person stress is VASTLY different from one person.
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I do wonder, though. Stress comes in many colours. I am, presumably, an INTJ who has handled brief and sudden peak stress situations —armed assault, say— with life-saving resourcefulness, but who has also fallen to pieces when faced with lesser stakes.
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Wow. I have no idea how to answer this one. When I’m under stress it feels like everything is collapsing and I don’t remember much afterwards. For sure the first thing I find myself unable to do is taking a break, but now I have great systems in place that force me to do so.
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I mean a lot of stuff goes but one of the first things to go is emotional regulation, I get snappy at people when I get stressed.
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