Dealing with people for whom being respected/disrespected is a big deal feels really awkward, like writing with my left hand. I have to kinda model them in some sort of janky emulation mode. I can detect respect/disrespect but don’t have a strong response to it. 
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Maybe carry a laminated card saying “I am autistic and not good at reading facial expressions. If you need something from me, please say so explicitly”? I’m kinda curious to see how that would work. Maybe make life much more pleasant?
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I feel what you mean. My sense is that some bureaucrats believe they are entitled to be recognized for their inflated and overcompensating importance. Treating them with run-of-the-mill civility is an insult.
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I think Gavin de Becker and Rory Miller have the measure of this. They call it the monkey dance and the group monkey dance. So much of what goes on isn't what really goes on.
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Why do they disrespect you in the first place?
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disrespect can be an effective control mechanism for people who do have a reaction to it (which is probably most people). if a ruleset doesn’t explicitly include your use-case, whether or not a beurocrat respects you can determine whether or not you get what you need.
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