The most powerful IRL interview/conversation/flirting skill isn’t asking good questions nearly as much as asking good followup questions - it’s being sensitive to interesting micro-reactions. When you ask a question and they respond “
... no”, and you go “Why
?” Etc
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This is the script of no script, the formula of no formula, you just pay really close attention to the other person in a curious, non-judgmental way without the burden of expectations, and look for anything surprising or interesting - and ask about that in a supportive way
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If you do this well, over the course of a conversation you’ll end up asking questions that make them go “huh, nobody’s asked me that before” and “I’ve never really thought of that”, and that often ends up being quite a bonding experience
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Little things like “you hesitated for a moment there, why?” can unearth things you wont believe But you have to do it in a very kind, nurturing and gentle way, or people will get defensive. You want to be so curious abt people that you make them freshly curious abt themselves
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My ex-boss gave me this gift. He was more curious about me than I was about myself. He genuinely wanted to understand my motivations & backstory to a degree that I had stopped caring about, because I didn’t think I merited that much concern. a lot of what I do now is pass that on
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Everybody needs this, but imo nobody needs it more than kids. Kids are so used to being pushed around, told what to do, being treated as incomplete humans on probation. Give kids your sincere, attentive curiosity and you will change their lives 5eva Also kids are fascinating!!!
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visa is working on his ebook Retweeted visa is working on his ebook
Kids are fascinating particularly because they haven’t been fully socialized yet. They each still have some weirdness and oddness in them unique to themselves. It’s quite inspiring and humbling to witness if you canhttps://twitter.com/visakanv/status/1098507448267112448?s=21 …
visa is working on his ebook added,
visa is working on his ebook @visakanvAnyway, don't read too deep into the Starcraft reference, it's just a story that I really enjoyed. Back to the socialization riff – kids are natural poets until they are socialized to Speak Normal. Which ofc is correlated with Think Normal, Be Normal https://twitter.com/visakanv/status/1091287428948623360 …Show this thread2 replies 7 retweets 117 likesShow this thread -
Thinking more, I realize this is abt paying attention to people’s physiological responses & being supportively curious about that. Why did you cringe, why did you flinch? Why did you frown, shudder, laugh, scoff? The body keeps the score. IRL still trumps URL here Cc
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visa is working on his ebook Retweeted it's B! Cavello 🐝
All of that said, if you need a starting question to surface and unearth responses to ask further about, “what is your relationship with X” is my favourite. What is your relationship with fitness? With food? With the internet? Then observe closelyhttps://twitter.com/b_cavello/status/1125210894235885568?s=21 …
visa is working on his ebook added,
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What is the history of your relationship with music? With travel? With leadership? With taking responsibility? Strength? Vulnerability? Fashion? Self-expression? Optimism? Being a public figure? Privacy? Intimacy? Ugh, I am so curious about everything and everyone!!



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You might need people detox rehab soon if you go on like this. It’s like a drug for you.
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Replying to @vgr
It happens in cycles, it’s been a few years but sometimes I go dark for weeks/months
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sends hugs.
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End of conversation
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