Preliminary theory of self-liking. It isn’t the same as being likable to others. It consists of being interested in what happens to you, without being overly invested in, or striving for, *particular* things to happen to you, so long as unpleasant premature endings are avoided.
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Self-liking is a pattern of self-regard that accompanies mediocre, low-bar existential ambition. As in ambition sufficient to want to exist, and keep it interesting, but being happy-go-lucky about pursuing more. Liking your own company enough to want it extended indefinitely.
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It is somewhat orthogonal to self-esteem. Some amount of self-esteem is necessary but not sufficient for self-liking. A reliable indicator of self-liking is being able to tolerate periods of mild boredom without getting mad about it or impatiently forcing events.
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A reliable indicator of self-disliking is that boredom makes you angry. Boredom is due to the universe temporarily putting on a dull show, occasionally unavoidable, but you could still be good company for yourself. Getting mad means you *need* the distraction from yourself.
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Self-liking may or may not be accompanied by being likable to others. I think the 2x2 is full, but the symmetric positions are more stable (likable+self-liking and dislikable+self-disliking).
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If your self-liking is based on, for instance, telling good jokes, you will like someone who tells better jokes more than yourself. For most people, liking any of your own behavior from the “outside” is unstable because you’re likely not the best in the world at anything.
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So you have to like the inside feel of the behavior. And it need not be a skilled behavior or sensory hedonism. Daydreaming is a good example.
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Self-liking might also explain excellence resistance. 🤔
From the inside the feel of excelling at something can be way too intense to like. You have to slack off and take a breather. Or cut the experience with some good meh.
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