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vgr's profile
Venkatesh Rao
Venkatesh Rao
Venkatesh Rao
@vgr

Tweets

Venkatesh Rao

@vgr

This is my conversational account. For my work follow @ribbonfarm, @breaking_smart, @artofgig. Tweets are 90% vacuous views, apathetically held. Mediocritopian.

Los Angeles, CA
venkateshrao.com
Joined August 2007

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    1. Venkatesh Rao‏ @vgr 4 Jan 2019
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      No amount of love and validation can heal them since they’re hung up on a very specific shadow element of their identity represented by the beef adversaries. You have to address the intellectual content. It’s a surgical “vector love/compassion” problem, not a scalar one.

      1 reply 1 retweet 5 likes
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    2. Venkatesh Rao‏ @vgr 4 Jan 2019
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      My pop-psych theory of this “narcissistic would identity bottlenecks” — a part of their life story where they suffered a narcissistic wound AND their identity was single-threaded. There’s no way to route around it by accessing more healing parallel memories.

      1 reply 1 retweet 3 likes
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    3. Venkatesh Rao‏ @vgr 4 Jan 2019
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      “Yes you were bullied.... but you also had good memories like reading or video games” doesn’t work because the beef arises from a point in their life where all identity eggs were in one basket, all got broken, and someone else ate the omelet.

      1 reply 1 retweet 7 likes
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    4. Venkatesh Rao‏ @vgr 4 Jan 2019
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      Present-day positive things won’t work. They’ll just allow palliative. temporary forgetting. The wound is in the past, and is the precarious and ONLY bridge between the past before it and after it. You can’t repress it entirely without breaking continuity of identity.

      1 reply 1 retweet 3 likes
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    5. Venkatesh Rao‏ @vgr 4 Jan 2019
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      Ie the reason for the beef-only behavior is that there is a load-bearing identity bridge with an active bottleneck narcissistic wound on it in your past that you cannot let go, route around, or repress. So anytime you access any memory that crosses that bridge you feel pain.

      1 reply 1 retweet 6 likes
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    6. Venkatesh Rao‏ @vgr 4 Jan 2019
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      The *only* way to relieve that pain in the moment is to lash out at people (or present-day representatives thereof) who ate the omelette of your broken eggs back then. Sorry for the terrible mixed metaphor of bridges, wounds and eggs.

      1 reply 1 retweet 7 likes
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    7. Venkatesh Rao‏ @vgr 4 Jan 2019
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      People who don’t have conflict-seeking personalities adapt by becoming extremely future oriented. They simply don’t look back much, and when they do, stop at some positive rebirth memory past the bridge. And so they avoid picking at the scabby identity bridge.

      2 replies 1 retweet 9 likes
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    8. Venkatesh Rao‏ @vgr 4 Jan 2019
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      This is better than beef-only but not ideal. You’re tossing precious identity anchoring memories over a single “bad” patch. Aggressive future-orientation and extreme beef-only thinking are two sides of the same coin. Neomania/paleomania.

      1 reply 1 retweet 8 likes
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    9. Venkatesh Rao‏ @vgr 4 Jan 2019
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      Last year I thought for a while that Adlerian psychology might help but it doesn’t. Asking “what present-day function does holding on to the bridge solve?” sounds clever but doesn’t in my experience cure beef-onliness.

      1 reply 1 retweet 6 likes
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    10. Venkatesh Rao‏ @vgr 4 Jan 2019
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      The reason is that memory is a general rather than special purpose factor in all problem solving. You automatically and unconsciously associatively search through all memories to find salient ones. You don’t have a specific reason. It’s just “bad sector” in sequential access.

      1 reply 1 retweet 5 likes
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      Venkatesh Rao‏ @vgr 4 Jan 2019
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      Ie your memory is functionally organized not as random-access with arbitrary addressability but like a tape or hard disk, with the continuity of your identity serving as the “head” that seeks out useful ones, driven by automatic associative search. You CAN’T avoid the bridge.

      10:44 AM - 4 Jan 2019
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      • rpf Chenoe Hart Ajit Verghese jo akhil Extraordinary Banana ian hines
      1 reply 1 retweet 8 likes
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        2. Venkatesh Rao‏ @vgr 4 Jan 2019
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          That’s all I have so far. If you have ideas on how to help beef-only people you care about without being roped into their beefs, I’m all ears. I’d say at least a third of people are like this, so a third of your close relationships probably pose this challenge.

          2 replies 1 retweet 4 likes
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        3. Venkatesh Rao‏ @vgr 14 May 2019
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          @threadreaderapp unroll

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        4. End of conversation

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