Conversation

It will become easy to get angry & frustrated with your partner - especially since you’re in such close proximity and your actions impact each other so much. So you need a system to acknowledge, address and resolve all this pain and resentment. IMO this is more intimate than sex
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I’m not saying I’m an expert. I just have some experience to share. Nobody’s perfect. But if you want a good shot at making things work you gotta do your due diligence & check in, regularly, even when you’re tired, especially when it’s hard. It’s very easy to overlook this
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There’s a death spiral that goes like this: 1. you’re tired so you hit snooze on difficult conversations 2. your backlog from 1 is overwhelming 3. You start spacing out in each other’s presence (how was your day? fine). life is now a series of chores 4. The “spark” is gone
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5. Since it’s all chores and the spark is gone, you’re subtly colder and more uncharitable towards each other. You’re both play-acting corporate shells at this point and it’s very unpleasant. Fight over trivial thing like dishes or laundry 6. Everything gets worse; cycle worsens
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So the meta skill is to recognise that this is a spectrum. I think it was Esther Perel who said “you gotta know how to bring it back”. This is likely unique to each couple. But you can see it: how open and psychologically/emotionally intimate people are with each other
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Just to emphasise: we never root for any relationship to fail. Life is hard and love is precious, and we want all of our friends to flourish and be happy. It’s just unfortunate that people are so often unprepared for the work. May you all nourish + be nourished in every way ❤️
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