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Replying to
You self-assess partially correctly. It’s not mere tone, it’s intent. Your profile claims virtues only a saint could unironically claim. Slipping into patronizing without knowing much about the other is a moral hazard when you do that.
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Replying to and
If you try too hard to conduct yourself with more civility and gentleness than you actually feel, slipping into indirect aggression modes like passive aggression, patronization etc is inevitable. Which is why I prefer to simply get mean and act rude if I feel like it. Ymmv.
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