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Prikvačeni tweet
Entered the Vochlea Dubler Studio Kit music contest with my live looping cover of 99 Red Balloons. Please take 30 seconds and click a vote for my video if you feel so inclined. I would appreciate it very much. I’m the guy in the hat with the map behind me. https://1.shortstack.com/HCsXVZ/qPNsX?w=78950735&e=238764265 …
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ME: What’s this? *points to picture in menu* WAITRESS: Big Ol’ Bayou Breakfast. ME: Wow. Please tell Big that I accept the offer.
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*sees a Facebook add for a build-your-own wooden hurdy gurdy kit* HONEY! REMEMBER HOW WE WERE TALKING ABOUT WHAT TO SPEND OUR TAX REFUND ON?...
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“Nobody likes a sore loser.” - school bully to the school leper
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Someone asked me what I was going to do when I retired someday. I was like, “prolly just read articles about colon health and tip waitresses with 2 dollar bills, idk.”
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It’s so weird when the windshield wipers are moving in time with the music. Also, who brings windshield wipers to a concert, anyway?
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Joel Vanderheyden proslijedio/la je Tweet
It’s hard to imagine loving another person as much as I love farting in bed.
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Joel Vanderheyden proslijedio/la je Tweet
These impeachment hearings are like if Sesame Street was trying to figure out if Cookie Monster ate all the cookies
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As someone whose legs make up 7/8 of my total height, my nightmares all begin with my elementary school gym teacher announcing the sit & reach exam.
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FRIEND: So where’d you get the idea for this boomerang for narcoleptics? ME: It came to me in a dream.
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DJ Khaled has a Starbucks in his basement where he plays barista. “CARAMEL LATTE...FOR DJ KHALED!” He yells. “THIS IS FOR THE LOVE OF HIP HOP AND THAT DANK ETHIOPIAN ROAST! DJ KHALED!” “DJ KHALED!” His wife yells from upstairs. “TIME FOR DINNER, DJ KHALED!”
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I really felt like a conduit for change today, as I drank a cup of coffee while peeing.
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Joel Vanderheyden proslijedio/la je Tweet
There are currently three types of video game: 1) you are a special fighting shootboy who shoots things 2) oh I get it, it's a metaphor for depression 3) nintendo
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Joel Vanderheyden proslijedio/la je Tweet
Once upon a time, this guy id been flirting with came over to watch Shrek 2 with his arm around me until 5 AM and then just promptly left, leaving me more bamboozled than any other man ever has. This is what I now call "getting Shrek 2ed", my contribution to the English language
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ME: But Lord, there was only one set of footprints. LORD: Look closer. There’s also a sweet set of chicken footprints. ‘Twas then that I was...wearing new CHICKEN STILTS. *turns to camera* Have u ever wanted 2B taller & also make it look like u have li’l chicken feet? Try chicke
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My wife keeps trying to convince me to move to Italy. She promises to visit once a year.
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Went to a clinic to learn about jazz comping. Apparently, it’s where they offer you free parking in exchange for playing jazz.
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My daughter started Suzuki lessons a few years ago, and now she’s riding Harleys too.
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Joel Vanderheyden proslijedio/la je Tweet
You say “potato” and I say “potato!”
You say “potato” and I say “potato!”
Potato!
Potato!
Potato!
Potato!
We said “potato” four times!
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READY FOR A TRICEP TRANSFORMATION? GO TO THE BATHROOM, GRAB SOME TP AND PUT RICE IN THE MIDDLE OF IT.
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Čini se da učitavanje traje već neko vrijeme.
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