bandit@UtilityLimb·May 3, 2012wow, tweet 666 comin' up. oh damn! it's a SICK tweet. new era for u-limb. new style. better than dogs! better than hell dude! here it comes:1096121,744
bandit@UtilityLimb·May 3, 2012don't set your timeline to military time. bunch of weird dudes tweet from 2400-6666 hours & all they talk about is some secret "in the well"105901,547
bandit@UtilityLimb·May 3, 2012"how creative. the joy division album cover again," - me, sarcastically, to the endless black & white lines pouring out the sky into the sea131,3923,627
bandit@UtilityLimb·May 2, 2012dunno why the instructions are rage comics, i didn't buy it. the ikea guy just gave it to us villagers & vanished. i think it's a mausoleum.4187590
bandit@UtilityLimb·May 2, 2012"chicken scallopini? i could tweet chicken skele-penis," i say to the shadows on the cave wall. i don't even remember that i'm chained here.141,5885,041
bandit@UtilityLimb·May 1, 2012ya, last name spelled: [distant howl] as in far off train, [metallic scraping] as in axe being dragged through quarry, [quiet sobbing] as in72,0044,222
bandit@UtilityLimb·May 1, 2012corporations are people because people are corporations made of trillions of cells that survive by destroying+consuming weaker corporations94781,190
bandit@UtilityLimb·May 1, 2012"man i'm sick of tv shooting for the lowest common dominator," drones man controlled by one of the largest, rarest dominators (psy-owl hive)4410924
bandit@UtilityLimb·Apr 30, 2012everybody welcome our surprise celebrity guest!! [the arm from arm & hammer hops out on stage and starts hammering people indiscriminately]101,7614,544
bandit@UtilityLimb·Apr 30, 2012a dog in a chamber deep underground. when there are no more tweets left to make, he will die. he's crying, this is the last one. bandit, no!3112354
bandit@UtilityLimb·Apr 28, 2012each tweet is full of tiny little bones & one day the tiny people of the future will exhume our jokes to build even tinier people (to crush)5237607
bandit@UtilityLimb·Apr 27, 2012your movie script is a lot like unicode in that it's got a bunch of stupid characters that will never show up on a screen201,4323,096
bandit@UtilityLimb·Apr 27, 2012scene in The Tetris Movie where the locusts eat the z-crops & the villagers are so famished they eat long blocks until their necks disappear4126330
bandit@UtilityLimb·Apr 27, 2012teens building new species of teen out of every available resource. teens of moss and teens of ore, our old weapons can not harm them.202,1495,349
bandit@UtilityLimb·Apr 26, 2012that's sick as hell dog! [later, at veterinarian] "sorry, hell dog passed away last night" why wasn't i with him? the guilt will never leave87551,742
bandit@UtilityLimb·Apr 26, 2012who's a dork for being the preeminent Donald In Mathmagic Land Extended Canon scholar now? [escapes unscathed as my classmates die of Traps]594288
bandit@UtilityLimb·Apr 26, 2012Goofs: Beavis believes his existence to be that which he experiences rather than the blanket of darkness shrouding the infinity he does not.152,0014,635
bandit@UtilityLimb·Apr 25, 2012what's the "use tunnels & dreams" checkbox on googlemaps? how do i turn "slight inward toward memory of house with iron floors (toll shaft)"5313910
bandit@UtilityLimb·Apr 25, 2012dude, don't name your kid that when he's got a speech impediment. how's he gonna make "a cool dino roar" with that awful rusted grate mouth349201
bandit@UtilityLimb·Apr 24, 2012FUTUREMAN HAS BUILT THE FONT OF BABEL. THE CASES TOWER ABOVE EVEN THE UPPEREST CASE WE CAN IMAGINE. THE OLD WORDS ARE SO BORING + STUPID NOW3144409
bandit@UtilityLimb·Apr 24, 2012as a lil bandit i wanted to make art that conveyed the intangible mystery felt inside. the sum of my work: http://instagr.am/p/JyfXEDt_al/ @mattcornell13186
bandit@UtilityLimb·Apr 23, 201220-something learning to live & love as she tries to find patterns in a gale of blurry dreams to portray them as meaning in a 3rd person bio2129404
bandit@UtilityLimb·Apr 23, 2012"in the past, primitive tribes used something called 'art' to promote their dearest products and brands" - future man, an ARG history major6194469
bandit@UtilityLimb·Apr 23, 2012pursue creativity until you're too jaded to enjoy what you loved about it to begin with. keep believing there's some answer to life in art.232,1274,149
bandit@UtilityLimb·Apr 20, 2012an old achewood panel rotted away and philippe fell out. he wanders the site's php, begging to be let back in, but onstad, like god, is dead8440949
bandit@UtilityLimb·Apr 18, 2012they're two different things, todd. you get FRIENDSNAILED in a SNAILZONE so you can wake your ASTRAL SNAILBODY from this WORLD IT'S DREAMING3160396
bandit@UtilityLimb·Apr 17, 2012@UtilityLimb Congrats on your 10,000 cat dominion! slavegar.field/HugeMondayHoveringAboveThePyramidPunishingGarfieldsThatRefuseToBuildIt.jpg240139
bandit@UtilityLimb·Apr 17, 2012"anyone hear about this new ipad?" [jay leno pauses] "anyone hear anything at all?" [jay wanders the desolate cities. even the wind is gone]376,51317.2K
bandit@UtilityLimb·Apr 17, 2012the celeb that exists only as an abstract now exists here in deeper abstraction. the celeb has tweeted you! in the distance, you have a body6249697
bandit@UtilityLimb·Apr 16, 2012save cash at the grocer! fill veggies w/ helium until your voice hits the resonant frequency of the chains binding consciousness to the body2319691
bandit@UtilityLimb·Apr 13, 2012nah dude that job offer is a scam, "ALL SPIDERS" don't have a social media guru opening but ~600 idiots fall for it every week and get eaten5145390
bandit@UtilityLimb·Apr 13, 2012that north korean missile sure burns faster than the house+objects around me!! please rt i'm trapped in a fire & @911 isn't seeing my tweets24187
bandit@UtilityLimb·Apr 12, 2012our petting zoo's "Meet Ryan Gosling" attraction is closed because his lawyers say a gosling is a baby goose not a rapidly growing sinkhole3223483
bandit@UtilityLimb·Apr 11, 2012"It's terrible to be HOME, STUCK in an MS PAIN ADVENTURE" - Andrew Hussie, before getting booed off stage at a Multiple Sclerosis fundraiser3381731
bandit@UtilityLimb·Apr 11, 2012Yelp > Novelty Las Vegas Replica On Las Vegas Strip: DOESN'T LOOK LIKE VEGAS. EVERY BUILDING IS THAT ONE BLACK PYRAMID SO IS HOTEL STAFF 0/5367232
bandit@UtilityLimb·Apr 9, 2012i love her BUTTE, but only PLATEAUNICALLY ;) [a tumbleweed made of bugs rolls by. they keep still, moved only by wind. are they dead? am i?]101,2703,115
bandit@UtilityLimb·Apr 8, 2012this is the wilhelm scream of pits. name any movie with a pit. this was that pit. name any of your family. i've pushed them into this pit.5231624
bandit@UtilityLimb·Apr 8, 2012Your account may not be allowed to perform this action. Please close the page & forget you saw that "Refear this fear to your drones" button1108304
bandit@UtilityLimb·Apr 7, 2012reversing a gif of a dude being hurt will heal him IRL but the Wound Spirit can't be tricked and it'll put you in a dog gif doing a violence3130346