The backlash to that tweet is honestly scary and explains why so many bi folks choose to stay closeted and are terrified of going for queer events. We always feel in-between and never belonging to either straight and queer spaces (which is why I started the bi+ collective!!!)
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I literally know of countless bi folks who have faced violence from the queer community at queer events just because they were in a "straight passing relationship". Violence as in physical, emotional, verbal, mental, ALL OF IT.
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Like literally being bi is just being non-mono (sexual/romantic) and it's a fluid spectrum like what's so difficult to understand that just as someone can be more attracted to non-men, the same applies the other way round that one can be more attracted to men and all are still bi
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Yes, I dated a cis straight man years. And yes, I am in what most of society would deem a "same sex relationship" now. Being straight passing obviously has its privileges, but that does not discount the unique challenges you face being bi in a "straight passing" relationship.
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For instance, yes sure your family is not necessarily going to kick you out or inflict violence on you for being in a straight passing relationship, but you might be kicked out and violated by biphobic shit straight and gay communities throw on you ALL THE DAMN TIME!!!
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Sure, not necessarily equivalent BUT being rejected just the same in a different context also fucking hurts and affects mental health etc. The number of times I've been told I'm not queer because I was dating or have dated a man really made me hate my identity and myself.
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Sometimes I even wished I was lesbian because I thought that would make it easier to "prove" myself to friends and family. As a bi person your identity will always be called into question and will always be constantly doubted. You will always be coming out and not taken seriously
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If you are bi and/or queer and in a "straight passing relationship", your relationship is always going to be queer because you are!!! The way you navigate your relationship differs greatly from cis straight people in relationships. The problems you face are unique!!!
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Instead of spending time complaining about bi people "normalising heterosexuality" (which WE ARE NOT DOING), why don't you use that energy to fight heteronormative structures that hurt all of us?
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Just please stop the gatekeeping and in-fighting AND CAN WE PLEASE JUST STRIVE TO STRENGTHEN THE COMMUNITY AND CREATE SAFE SPACES FOR ALL WHO IDENTIFY AS LGBTQ+??? I am so sick of all this phobic discourse within the community that really doesn't help anyone.
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We should be coming together as a community, not finding ways to differentiate and separate us. Literally the worst form of activism is us being busy fighting within ourselves and neglecting the actual systemic structures that hurt and harm all of us.
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Just know you are valid no matter who you are dating or more attracted to. If you identify as bi, you are bi. You don't have to date someone of the same sex or gender to prove yourself, ever. You don't have to be more attracted to non-men to prove yourself, ever. Sending love.
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Of course vice versa, same goes for bi men!!! Y'all don't have to ever prove yourselves. Bi men and bi non binary folks are ALL valid. Love to all of you!!!
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original tweet I was referencinghttps://twitter.com/heejinstea/status/1221509432145862657?s=09 …
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hi i run The Bi+ Collective Singapore (link in bio!) and also I tweet my unnecessary opinions on music sometimes, just sometimes