Awesome. I am now the most verified person on Twitter and all it cost was 60% of my annual salary indefinitely, blood/DNA samples, a simple brain microchip, and allowing CCTV cameras to be installed in my apartment so they can constantly monitor me. Thank you sir โฆ!
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Tyler Schmall
@tylerschmall
๐๐๐๐จ ๐ช๐จ๐๐ง ๐๐๐จ ๐๐๐๐ฃ ๐ข๐๐จ๐จ๐๐ฃ๐ ๐๐ค๐ง 18 ๐๐๐ฎ๐จ. ๐พ๐ค๐ฃ๐ฉ๐๐๐ฉ ๐๐ช๐ฉ๐๐ค๐ง๐๐ฉ๐๐๐จ ๐ฌ๐๐ฉ๐ ๐๐ฃ๐ฎ ๐๐ฃ๐๐ค๐ง๐ข๐๐ฉ๐๐ค๐ฃ.Brooklyn, NYJoined May 2009
Tyler Schmallโs Tweets
Every few weeks a SpaceX rocket crashes down in flames and one hundred thousand people tweet โSpaceX is doing awesome things. Keep up the great work ๐โ
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Good comedy opportunity for some of my more humorous followers ๐๐
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This week, in honor of 4/20, tweet out your funniest stoner thoughts. Could be on the show! #StonerThoughts
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Well this is inconvenient. I am currently pinned underneath a grizzly bear fighting for my life. ๐
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The HBO news doesnโt bother me too much. Although, thatโs mostly because I am currently trapped in the basement of my building and itโs flooding and Iโm running out of space to maneuver.
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Are there any other stooges out there that want to team up and form a triad of sorts?
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Remember this viral video from a couple weeks ago? Well, it turns out, it wasnโt actually real. It was made completely by A.I. Yeahโฆitโs getting scaryโฆ
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The evidence against Snoopy is becoming undeniable.
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Hey babeโฆ? Have you seen my E. coli bacteria? I was culturing it in the Brita filter in the fridgeโฆ
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Any other parents have advice on how to discourage your child from pursuing art? My son just made this and it looks like total shit.
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Please look out for my new film ASTEROID CITY coming to theaters June 16! Directed by yours truly ๐โโ๏ธ
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Every once in awhile they should send out nice Amber alerts that are like โALL GOOD๐โ and โNO CHILD HAS BEEN ABDUCTED LATELY โค๏ธโ
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AI is getting terrifying. You can generate photos of Will Smith by simply typing his name into a search bar now
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Who is an actor that hasnโt worked with Wes Anderson yet but you think would kill it in one of his movies and would be friends with me and offer me a companionship that would endlessly fulfill me?
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Welp it looks like the Zoomers are at it again yโall (incredibly grainy iPhone video of a person in their apartment minding their own business shot from VERY far away)
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Just took this photo of two strangers sharing a beautiful moment together ๐ฅบ. Does anyone know them? Iโd love to gift them a framed copy. Twitter do your thing!
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Told the doctor I have more than three drinks per week and he punched a hole in the wall
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When I bookmark a tweet it means I suddenly became too busy to finish reading it and need to return to it at a later time.
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Are you guys talking about The Odyssey? No spoilers please. Homer hasnโt orated that to my village yet.
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YOU: The Oscars disappointed me.
ME: โChips ahoyโ is a play on โships ahoy,โ ancient natural jargon from a time long foregoneโฆ
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The atomic bomb was too mainstream for me. I prefer Oppenheimerโs earlier bombs when he was still coming up in the indie scene and experimenting with his style.
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Tell me you were born in the 90โs without telling me you were born in the 90โs. And donโt show me either. Donโt be direct in any way. Actually, do not engage with me personally at all and donโt interact with this tweet even. Matter of fact, just forget it entirely. Never mind.
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MrBeast pays me $150k/year to hunt me for sport. Itโs mostly pretty chill but like once every few months Iโll be grocery shopping or something and heโll be in the freezer aisle with a sawed off shotgun and Iโll have to escape with my life. Good benefits though. Medical/dental etc
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I donโt normally post about professional accomplishments but I just wrapped a project that Iโm really proud of. I got my first writing credit on a song with a popular artist. I put my whole heart into this song. Itโs called โMotherโ by Meghan Trainor. I hope yโall love โ๏ธ๐โค๏ธ
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If Iโm in a pinch and need to save time I will just spell her name โKristen Wigโ
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If thatโs your girl then how come she sent me aid after seeing that my distress beacon was lit?
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