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tomxhart's profile
Tom X Hart
Tom X Hart
Tom X Hart
@tomxhart

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Tom X Hart

@tomxhart

medium.com/@TXHart
Joined March 2018

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    1. Randy‏ @egg_report Jul 30
      Replying to @tomxhart

      This is why I prefer traditional courtship. It's a formality either way, so being formal seems appropriate

      1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
    2. Tom X Hart‏ @tomxhart Jul 30
      Replying to @egg_report

      I understand what you mean by that sentiment...but is that more in theory than practice? It’s hard to say what constitutes a “tradition”, since we’ve had about 500 yrs of dissolving tradition. Did your girl have a chaperon on your last date!? ;-)

      1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
    3. Randy‏ @egg_report Jul 30
      Replying to @tomxhart

      I'm probably wrong about it not being indirect at all, to the degree that I am "aiming" at the opposite. I think "it's better to think about it" as direct, rather than indirect, for pragmatic or moral/aestethic reasons.

      1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
    4. Randy‏ @egg_report Jul 30
      Replying to @egg_report @tomxhart

      But actually yes, on several occations - but indirect chaperones.

      1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
    5. Randy‏ @egg_report Jul 30
      Replying to @egg_report @tomxhart

      I dont really date any more, but I have experienced many times meeting up at a cafe, for example, where my date would have secretly, inconspicuously placed a friend a few tables over, admitting to it either at on the date itself or a short while later

      1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
    6. The Logos of Post-Irony‏ @jbthazard Jul 30
      Replying to @egg_report @tomxhart

      *popcorn consumption intensifies*

      1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
    7. Tom X Hart‏ @tomxhart Jul 30
      Replying to @jbthazard @egg_report

      Yes, I think women informally chaperon. However, that is different to a formal situation where the neighbours would say, “Did you hear! Julia’s girl went out without a chaperon.” *scandal*. Chaperons tended to be older, not peers—some functional overlap, but different.

      1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
    8. Randy‏ @egg_report Jul 30
      Replying to @tomxhart @jbthazard

      My immediate impression is that what's changed isnt so much the role of chaperon, but the date itself. If always had the sense that being in public for these things, to women, are a neccesary evil, and that they would prefer the dating to happen as much as possible in "secret".

      1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
    9. Randy‏ @egg_report Jul 30
      Replying to @egg_report @tomxhart @jbthazard

      In a sense I think the chaperoning happens in secret to avoid the same sense of reality that the camera invokes

      1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
    10. Randy‏ @egg_report Jul 30
      Replying to @egg_report @tomxhart @jbthazard

      this might in great part be colored by the particular women who find people like me attractive, but I think there is some degree universality to it

      1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      Tom X Hart‏ @tomxhart Jul 30
      Replying to @egg_report @jbthazard

      1. Could be a cultural difference between the UK and US. I don’t know a lot about the history of courtship, but anthropologists in 40s identified differences between US/UK in the US girls made the first move while UK the man was meant to make the move.

      3:16 AM - 30 Jul 2018
      1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
        1. New conversation
        2. Tom X Hart‏ @tomxhart Jul 30
          Replying to @tomxhart @egg_report @jbthazard

          2. During the war, this led to dating problems between US servicemen and British women, bc nobody did anything when they were meant to. US servicemen saw British women as cold while British servicemen saw US women as too forward.

          1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
        3. Tom X Hart‏ @tomxhart Jul 30
          Replying to @tomxhart @egg_report @jbthazard

          3. Even as late as the 1970s, you see people like C. Hitchens writing about how refreshingly forward American women were about sex. But I suspect the deep behaviour of humans is not so different and probably not so different between individuals either.

          1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
        4. Tom X Hart‏ @tomxhart Jul 30
          Replying to @tomxhart @egg_report @jbthazard

          4. Women have an incentive to keep dating secret to maintain the appearance of not being sluts, and also to conceal what they’re doing from other men they’re cheating on (planning to cheat on).

          1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
        5. Randy‏ @egg_report Jul 30
          Replying to @tomxhart @jbthazard

          Neither UK or US based, but your point stands nonetheless. 4. might be where I was getting at in some sense, just less explicit. I dont think it has to be deliberate malice, overtly planned and such.

          1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
        6. Randy‏ @egg_report Jul 30
          Replying to @egg_report @tomxhart @jbthazard

          I could imagine the sensation of dating at all, focusing your attention on one particular man, to some degree feels like cheating to women, in that their starting point is something like feeling attached to *all* men.

          1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
        7. Randy‏ @egg_report Jul 30
          Replying to @egg_report @tomxhart @jbthazard

          It's easy to paint a dark picture of this, but I dont think it is any more evil than a spider building a web

          1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
        8. Tom X Hart‏ @tomxhart Jul 30
          Replying to @egg_report @jbthazard

          It feels dark, becuase this is not the socially acceptable way to talk about it. Whether it’s “evil”—whether evil exists or not—is an open question for humanity right now. We are different to spiders. We do seem to have intentionality and an ability to alter our environment.

          1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
        9. Tom X Hart‏ @tomxhart Jul 30
          Replying to @tomxhart @egg_report @jbthazard

          What’s your nationality, @egg_report? And where are you? Your syntax seems native English speaker to me.

          1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
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