2/ That doesn’t mean it isn’t possible to forgive. It’s just that I suspect that a lot of people who do forgive almost immediately are doing so because they think it’s the “right thing” to do. It’s not what they really feel inside. It’s phoney moralising.
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3/ I might forgive someone who murdered a family member, maybe after 20 years. But I wouldn’t do it until it felt right. Personal example, I was in a long-term relationship with someone who cheated on me. I kicked them out the moment I found out & didn’t speak to them.
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4/ About three years later, I felt forgiveness. So I sent them a letter and forgave them, not to get back together—just to express forgiveness. This is self-interested, a means to let go. The point is that I actually felt forgiveness. It wasn’t assumed.
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5/ People moralise & end up in trouble when they try to do the “right” thing. I agree that forgiveness is admirable, but phoney or forced forgiveness is worse. You can’t force forgiveness, love, or even hate. You have to let things click.
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