How I came up to realize I like women and the hardship of accepting my sexuality which I still can’t put a name on, a thread by me
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- « being attracted » to a guy after a female friend expresses attraction to him because there must be something to him right??? So it looks normal if I like him too!!!! - sometimes just picking a random guy who’s remotely attractive and say I crush on him
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- Reading my discomfort/nervousness around men as attraction to them because you’re nervous when you like someone right????
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Around like age 15-16 I stopped pretending I was attracted to guys I was just the weird crushless girl lmfaooooo I got tired of inventing crushes cause geez I’d even do it ate age 6-7 I’d choose the one guy in my class all the girls liked and would say I like him too to be normal
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Now between 15 and 17 it’s harder to avoid relationship talks cause it’s around these age that « serious dating » starts well geez the freaking anxiety that’d come with that was terrible I was unintentionally forced to picture a future life with a man and it’d make me so nervous
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So what would I do? Ofc I’d still imagine a future with a job, a home, kids, pets etc like everyone BUT who did I picture myself with? Well as weird as it sounds I’d definitely picture myself with someone but that someone was always faceless I couldn’t see a man with me forever
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I was almost repulsed by the dynamics of pretty much all straight relationships I would sometimes think I’d just end up alone (not in a bad way, at that age I had learned to enjoy my own company) because no guy ever feels right
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Now yes, I did date two guys more or less around that time but geez I was so platonic and they so weren’t it was terrible When the relationship ended I was like 1% sad because I felt like losing a friend and felt heartless af when I’d get over it in like 2 days
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That was a fun time in my life where I thought I was asexual fjslfkqlfksk like yes okay brain, thanks for coming up with asexuality since being gay is so Bad™
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I kinda got lost with the age timeline but I’m around 18 when having the thoughts i’m gonna mention next
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I’d have sex the least possible and not even out of desire for the physical pleasure or emotional closeness but because I liked feeling wanted for 3 seconds I’d « be a tease » but the follow through felt like a chore
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I only felt slightly comfortable during sex if there was a very obvious power imbalance and what I wanted wasn’t centered at all It’s actually a pretty terrible thing to say cause basically it was like « alright I gotta do that thing now, let’s get over with it »
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I’d genuinely not understand what was the big deal with sex and why other women liked it so much while I was just there like?????? okay????? why are you all lying?????
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At this point in my life (age 19??20??) I’m like 75-80% sure I like women but still would never say it out loud I still assumed i’d end up with a man for some reason
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I realized I always liked girls at that age because I would think about my sexuality more and would think about my childhood and how this one girl classmate « really wanted to be friends with » was just me having a crush on her lmfaoooo
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I only ever admired female celebrities, only had women crushes, my favorite character in tv shows (as a kid too) would be a girl (I hated Disney princesses tho, straight ass bitches, except Kida cause she’s badass)
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This is pretty much when I met my very great and very cool and very beautiful and very everything girlfriend
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This might accidentally sound like a love declaration I’m sorry lmfaooooo
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Im gonna make it very very short but basically we met through a friend we had in common and clicked instantly, we liked each other very quickly but unlike her I wasnt as comfortable with my sexuality so I still had a slight « but the norm is to be with a man!!! » kind of thinking
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But she is such a great person!!!! it took me 2 seconds to say fuck it to the straight thinking & now Im the happiest relationship I’ve ever been in, everything feels natural and I’ve never been this comfortable with anyone ever (also the sex is great why is straight sex a thing)
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Now I said I don’t put a name on my sexuality and that representation matters so let’s talk about that
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Why does representation matters and why is it great that nowadays kids get to see gay characters their age in tv shows
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I am 90% sure it would’ve been easier for me to understand my sexuality if I had had seen more gay characters on tv/books etc Now not all representations help
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The only kind of representation we had back then (I sound like I’m 80) was movies about gay people having to come out and hiding and struggling very bad and ngl this almost confirms that being gay is bad and that you gotta hide or whatever
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Nowadays and this is SO GREAT there are gay characters and like...that’s it...they’re just there They’re in the same spot as straight characters, all they’re being asked to do is exist, no hiding, no shame, no nothing Being gay needs to be shown as something normal more!!!
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Why I have no clue if I’m even allowed to use the word lesbian or gay when talking about me
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Because I do like men but not sexually

I find men very attractive, they have beautiful faces, male bodies honestly look really great, I like manly features like for example full beards
But when it comes to sexually being attracted to them well ://////Show this thread -
So yeah besides really not liking labels at all especially when it comes to me, I really don’t know what to call myself but the easy word to use is obviously the word « gay » so I guess we can say that’s what I am I don’t know lmfaoooooo
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Thank you all for coming to my TED talk, don’t forget to gift your local gay 2k€ If you don’t it means you’re homophobic
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