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That dull, brassy sound you hear is the hollow ring of my broken laughter!

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Still. I was able to check in online yesterday, confirming I wasn't getting SSSS treatment. Security was fine. There was even a very small dog!

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Then I got to Customs. Nice lady. All's Fine. & then, out of nowhere, "I have to send you to secondary, follow me."

GIF

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OK, well, flight's at 6:20, it's 5:30, last time this happened it took about 45 minutes, so, hopefully fine, right? Still fine.

GIF

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(Fun fact: also being detained was a man CURRENTLY EMPLOYED by Border Services, in his 29th year of work for them. He has a Problematic Surname. Super great system you have, friends, A++)

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Last time, in TO, no one took my phone, everyone was embarrassed while they asked horribly violating questions about my parents & background, & Stu was there. This time was different.

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This time I was alone, they took my phone after forcing me to unlock it, asked questions about the friends I was going to see, wanted the birthdates of my siblings as well as parents, & rifled through all my belongings. S l o w l y

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The worst part of that, by the way, was one of the agents going through EVERY PAGE of my bullet journal, reading it. Every. Fucking. Page.

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Anyway, 2 hours go by, flight is definitely missed, & I'm wondering if I'm going to be allowed through at all, calculating the loss, wondering if I can still claim the expense on my taxes if I was prevented from going.

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They let me out. I ask what I do now; they tell me to go back to check-in to get my flight rebooked. I go. There's no one at Delta.

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I wander to a United agent, ask if there'll be Delta people soon, explain I was detained. "Customs are supposed to call them for you," she says. This is where I start crying.

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I've been up since 4:00. I'm hungry & tired & I don't know if I'll be able to go to this magical retreat I've been looking forward to for weeks. But more than that, the violation of it hits me all at once.

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I had nothing to do for 2 hours but read the walls telling me to KEEP DETENTION SAFE & REPORT SEXUAL ASSAULT if it happens while I'm detained, literally next to a photo of Trump's face.

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(Many thanks to @halleluyang for RED THREADS OF FORTUNE, which I'd been hoarding for the 1.5 hour flight I was expecting to be on, but which I'm now halfway through. It's bloody amazing.)

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Anyway, the United agent takes pity on me, finds a Delta agent, who also takes pity on me. She rebooks me on the only flight that won't cost me extra money: LGA via Detroit, departing at 4:40 PM, arriving at 10:00 PM. Remember I woke up at 4:00. AM.

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But I'm at the airport, & I literally don't feel strong enough to go home for 3 hours before coming back for 1:00 PM for security before a 4:40 flight. So I opt to go through security again, right now, & just spend all day at the gate. Like you do.

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But first! I have to go through Customs again! Hahaha Customs. Where you'd think it'd be easy, since I just went through as much security as is literally possible?

GIF

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Dude starts asking me all the same questions as round 1. I am not as cheerful as I was 2.5 hours ago, but I try to make a joke! "I was actually just detained for 2 hours, haven't gotten up to much since then." Dude stares at me.

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"I didn't know it was you. So I could do without the attitude." He says this in a Threatening Tone. Motherfucker, you know what I could do with?

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I could do with a shower. I could do with some tea. I could do with my husband. I could do with my dear friend's pets lavishing attention on me beneath a lemon tree.

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I could do without hostility & violation & interrogation & detention & the theft of my fucking dignity & the theft of my fucking TIME.

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So you can fucking take my "attitude," you indignant smear of shit.

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I love my friends so bloody much. I genuinely thought, after May, that this country had squeezed all the blood from the stone of me, & I could just travel to see them. I was wrong, & everything is bad again, & I can't keep doing this.

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This isn't even a hundredth as bad as some people have it. I'm still Canadian. Worst case scenario for me is I get to stay in Canada. I completely own that fuckton of privilege. But it's still hard, & crying helplessly in public is no great look, & I hate it.

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That's all. Thanks for listening. Maybe that one agent will take up bullet journaling. I wish her well with it. Oh, & of course they rifled through my phone, too. Maybe that's what took so much longer this time.

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Anyway, long day in an airport ahead. Hope to get some work done. Realllllly wish I'd brought @halleluyang's BLACK TIDES, though. Ah well.

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ADDENDUM: Thank you all so, so much for your sympathy, kindness, pet photos. It all really helps. & thanks especially to those who've offered a copy of BLACK TIDES! I have one now, but you should definitely treat yourselves coz JY's work is amazing.

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