can we all just stand in solidarity for a moment with Alan Dershowitz, whose neighbors on Martha's Vineyard no longer invite him to wear the skins of extinct animals and hunt poor humans from horseback for sport
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Alan Dershowitz can only observe the cookouts his former friends in Martha's Vineyard, where people spend on average over a million dollars for a summer home, from the deck of his yacht
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the yacht in question has only a single deck chair, for Alan Dershowitz is alone. it is covered in emeralds, and he sits on it even though it is uncomfortable. his melancholy has overwhelmed him so thoroughly that he will not retrieve a pillow, which is stuffed with saffron
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a single tear rolls down his cheek and falls into the hollowed out rhino horn from which he is sipping 500 year old whiskey. he is too sad appreciate the way that this complicates the flavor
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"this is Maxine Waters' fault," he mutters to himself as he removes the diamond-encrusted spyglass from his eye. in the distance, he hears cheering: one of his neighbors has successfully shot the poor
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tonight they will feast upon the poor's flesh. the lucky Martha's Vineyardian who landed the killing shot will hang its head in their game room, a trophy and sign of the favor of the gods
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Alan Dershowitz will sit alone in the fifth study of his 46-room summer home, his rhino horn long drained of whiskey, as he watches the sun set over the Atlantic ocean, the latest victim of this new McCarthyism.
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imagine not being able to get through a season at your million dollar summer home without writing an op-ed about your mean neighbors not inviting you to their parties and then complaining about OTHER PEOPLE wanting safe spaceshttps://twitter.com/AlanDersh/status/1014181416777781249 …
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i should probably go ahead and say this is one of the funniest threads i've read in a while
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