Me and my then writing partner got a call saying a Chinese studio wanted to meet with us. They’d been in the trades a lot so we were like “OK” and they had a concept they wanted us to come up with a take for.
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We spent a couple weeks coming up with a short pitch and then we went in to meet with the Chinese producers.
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I knew we had a good chance of selling it because as soon as we sat down one of the producers just blurted out: “how fast can you write the script?” We were like “Pretty fast. Do you, uh, want to hear the story?”
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So they waved us to go on and we pitched for about 15 minutes and then there was an awkward silence and then the same producer said “how fast did you say you can write the script?”
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So we got a call later that day that we sold it and after a couple months of negotiating they asked us to come into their office because they had, in my agents words, “a REALLY big note.”
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So we go to the office address and I can’t find it. It’s a Buffalo Wild Wings. I look everywhere and I walk around the block and there’s nothing at the address but a Buffalo Wild Wings and I call my lawyer and he tells me it’s ABOVE the Wild Wings place.
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I go up some stairs and sure enough there’s a film production office I guess which has a bunch of interns sitting there and one points me to the office where we’re meeting and I can see my writing partner and by his face I can tell there’s something weird going on in the room.
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I enter the room and everyone in the room is sitting on different type of chair. Not like different colors. Vastly different shapes and sizes. Like maybe they bought all the remainders from a chair store that was going out of business.
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There’s two Chinese guys sitting in a red love seat shaped like lips.
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There were two other people on a chaise lounge and one was no joke I think 13 years old and he was on his phone the whole meeting.
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Then there were two American development execs who were sitting on literal barstools. So they were like six feet up in the air looking down at us the entire time.
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My writing partner was already sitting in some kind of reclining wicker chair and weirdly they had left me the one normal desk chair to sit in.
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So I sit down and they all take a really deep breath and they’re like “We have one REALLY major note that’s very important. “
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My writing partner and I are like “sure, whatever it is, let’s talk about it.” And then one of the execs looks us dead in the eyes and says:
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“We can not have this movie be ANYTHING like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Part 2.”
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Since our movie has zero similarities in any way to TMNT II, my writing partner and I look at each other and then back to them and say “we can absolutely guarantee that it won’t be. But that’s also a super specific note can you tell us why specifically that movie?”
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Anyway we wrote the script and it was nothing like TMNT 2 and that movie never got made. This is all to say I’m still thankful for the opportunity and every time I drive by that Buffalo Wild Wings I think of this time in my life. Hollywood is wild, y’all.
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