Alec SulkinVerified account

@thesulk

Breaker of Swift Mustache Hairs

Los Angeles
Joined March 2009
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  1. Pinned Tweet
    2 Oct 2012

    Next time you're on an elevator with a stranger say, "If the doors open and it's all zombies, let's team up."

    110 replies 10,073 retweets 4,484 likes
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  2. 13 hours ago

    In a waiting room and dr came out and said, “Hi, are you Lon?” Never been so insulted in my whole life.

    11 replies 8 retweets 126 likes
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  3. Apr 4

    How the third, fourth, and fifth words of this aren’t “are total bullshit” is beyond me.

    13 replies 32 retweets 187 likes
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  4. Apr 4

    Gathered a large enough sample size to determine Scion drivers scuck.

    11 replies 14 retweets 108 likes
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  5. Apr 3

    Can’t believe it’s been almost a year since Scaramucci was in the White House. While he was a total egomaniac and terrible at his job, let’s never forget that he’s also incredibly short.

    16 replies 10 retweets 288 likes
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  6. Apr 3

    They say dress for the job you want, not the job you have. Does anyone know what Kim Kardashian’s bum-bum waxer wears?

    16 replies 11 retweets 80 likes
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  7. Apr 3

    “Children are our most precious resource.” “Okay. Really water, but okay.”

    10 replies 88 retweets 458 likes
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  8. Apr 2

    I like painting plastic surgeons next to batting practice. Something about the juxtaposition of jugs to position and JUGS to position.

    8 replies 12 retweets 142 likes
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  9. Apr 2

    If movies and TV have taught me anything it's that people from different eras used to drive by movie marquees a lot.

    9 replies 15 retweets 119 likes
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  10. Apr 2

    Wife’s birthday yesterday. As a gift, I didn’t have sex with her.

    17 replies 12 retweets 278 likes
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  11. Apr 1

    Me as a kid watching old movies: “Ha! They sleep in separate beds.” Me as an adult watching old movies: “Fucking geniuses.”

    10 replies 102 retweets 878 likes
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  12. Apr 1

    The number of people I just saw at Burger King at 9 am on Easter Sunday was frightening. I could barely finish my double BACON KING.

    7 replies 22 retweets 299 likes
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  13. Apr 1

    He is risen. April fools!

    24 replies 131 retweets 659 likes
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  14. Mar 31

    That Gold Peak tea ad is like reverse Get Out.

    5 replies 10 retweets 51 likes
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  15. Mar 31

    1 reply 1 retweet 6 likes
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  16. Mar 31

    Um, sorry “Life of the Party” preview. Harrison Ford did NOT blow up the Death Star. That would be Mark Hamill. Do your research.

    14 replies 10 retweets 98 likes
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    Show this thread
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  17. Mar 31

    “Did you celebrate Passover?” “You mean did I have explosive diarrhea followed by acid reflux? Uh, yeah. I celebrated Passover.”

    7 replies 13 retweets 160 likes
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  18. Mar 31

    Reports say that Matt Lauer’s wife has left him and he now spends all his time alone at his house in the Hamptons. Why does he get rewarded like that?!?!

    10 replies 28 retweets 346 likes
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  19. Mar 30

    Gonna start ending Passover seders with, “That’s the jews and I am outta here!”

    6 replies 17 retweets 162 likes
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  20. Mar 30

    I know love is a battlefield, but does it have to be The Crusades?

    6 replies 12 retweets 86 likes
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  21. Mar 29

    Missed this scene in The Crown.

    8 replies 15 retweets 274 likes
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