I've known a few incels. I've offered to take them to strip clubs to get comfortable talking with women and they've refused on the grounds that they shouldn't have to pay to see naked women.
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I will never understand the mindset. Don’t they want a “partner”? An “equal” to build a life with? How can they expect to BE someone’s partner but expend zero energy in creating a partnership? I guess they really believe that a woman “should accept me as I am” asshattery and all.
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It seems like a fundamental lack of empathy is at the root of it. I'm not sexually or romantically interested in every woman that crosses my path. It shouldn't take much to realize that women are the same and identify areas for improvement.
End of conversation
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