You HAVE to OWN YOUR SHIT. Even if a LITERAL act of god, a hurricane, sweeps in and takes away EVERYTHING. That may not be 'your fault'. There wasn't anything to do to avoid it. BUT if you don't say "this is MY problem to fix", then your ruined shit will be all you ever have.
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The worst person I ever knew was a classic manipulator. He wanted everyone to believe how suave and SMART and so very SUCCESSFUL he really WAS. Even when he had nothing to show for it. Because he was always ALMOST ahead, but SOMETHING always 'took it away'.
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It took years of me trying to 'help' him, (all while he made very sure I knew I was inferior to him, and most likely holding him back, and probably just another cause to all his problems.) Before it just became so painfully clear that he was NEVER going to fix his problems.
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When the problems in your life are SOMEONE ELSES fault, you don't have to look at them as hard. You don't figure out, "this is how I got here, next time I'll do things differently". You sit in the dark refusing to turn on a light, because looking at your flaws might hurt.
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But sitting in the dark doesn't pay the electric bill. It doesn't make the load any lighter. And the more you insist that everything else is out of your control, the harder it gets for you to actually remember how to BE in control.
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These twisted men who blame their violence on others who've hurt them have sat in the dark for so long that they just decided they were trapped. They were never getting out. The only freedom would be in hurting someone else.
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And that'd be something worth giving sympathy... If they hadn't built their own prison then sat inside an unlocked door. Don't write empathetic think pieces. Don't talk about how they were 'misunderstood'. No. They were willfully ignorant of EVERY other humans feelings.
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It's bad enough to say "woe is me, I have problems and no ability to fix them." But when you go to, "My life COULD be so much better if all those people I HATE would fix my shit FOR ME." No son, that don't fly. Get up off your lazy ass and quit bitching like a spoiled child.
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Sometimes, Life really IS shit. Sometimes you're up against problems where you have no advantages and the deck is REALLY stacked against you. Those days, you really HAVE to keep fighting, and remind yourself the aspects of your life you CAN control.
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They say "Point one finger at me, four more point back at you." But the greater point is... If you're pointing, that means your hand is empty. Instead of grabbing tools to work on fixing shit, you're wasting time pointing. Refocus and figure out how to get back to work.
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And when someone says "maybe we need to help these incel/misogynist/bigots" that's when you say. Okay, as soon as they are ready to help themselves. If I see an incel at the bottom of a hole I'll toss him a shovel, but I sure as HELL am NOT going to be the one to dig him out.
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