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  1. 5. velj

    i’m going to try sober Tuesday. i’ll report back and tell you guys if i feel any different after taking some time off drinking.

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  2. 31. sij

    the only time i’ve ever hated a dog is when my boss brings i. his dog, Donut, and everyone is randomly yelling “Donut!” and i’m thinking there’s gonna be a treat waiting for me in the break room.

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  3. 30. sij

    humans have certainly mastered the art of responding to emails promptly without answering any of the questions contained within.

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  4. 30. sij

    at bodega: man: you want lettuce on that? me: yeah *puts lettuce in gyro* man: you want pickles on that? me: yeah *puts pickles on gyro* man: you want hot sauce on that? me: su— *douses gyro with hot sauce* me: —re. NYC finds every. single. way to toughen you up.

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  5. 29. sij

    i consider my $404 Venmo balance as the main chunk of my net worth.

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  6. 28. sij

    i just remembered the box of tampons i stashed in the bathroom at my old office a year ago, right before i was fired unexpectedly. wow, didn’t even realize i took 2 Ls that day.

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  7. 26. sij

    i wonder if Emma Stone can see exceptionally well.

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  8. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    22. sij

    I wonder if Bobby McFerrin is still telling people not to worry and shit?

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  9. 22. sij

    incase anyone was wondering--

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  10. 21. sij

    i spent 5 days in NYC and only took the wrong train 6 times!

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  11. 20. sij

    that last 1% on my battery is such a real one.

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  12. 19. sij

    it’s so confusing when people do stuff that i’d do when i’m stoned and they’re not stoned at all.

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  13. 18. sij

    f*ck peas and carrots. me and my boo go together like spinach and artichokes.

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  14. 17. sij

    when you wish you’d pooped before leaving the house. coulda woulda shita.

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  15. 17. sij

    New York is the only place where you see guys in hardhats and neon safety vests just walking around like normal people.

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  16. 10. sij

    i was skeptical of the saying “hard work pays off” until today, at the age of 34, i got my first ever promotion. it only took 17 years of hard work for me to move up!

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  17. 9. sij

    when they say “jump”, i say “kris kross will make ya...”

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  18. 31. pro 2019.

    experiencing NYC after living in LA it becomes evident that NYC simply not afraid of a lawsuit.

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  19. 27. pro 2019.

    my mom under her breath about Alexa: “i try to be so nice but she’s always just so annoying”.

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  20. 27. pro 2019.

    i undid an entire year of focused self improvement, dieting, and progress in mental health over the span of one week. what’s new with you?

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