Today was a particularly bad day mentally but Sundays and Mondays always are for me now, it’s a thing. These are the days the chemo fatigue is the worst and every week I have to fight my brain on “why am I still doing this?”
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As the fatigue starts to fade to manageable my logical brain kicks back in and the reminders of “5 decent days vs 2 awful ones = worth it” actually take hold again. I *know* this even on the bad ones but my brain won’t listen.
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Knowing you’re going to be irrational two days of the week, in advance, and struggling to fight it anyway is a weird feeling. And then I got triggered (not using this word lightly) by a post about someone’s birth father refusing contact. All of the feelings of being unwanted...
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As you might have guessed, mine (suspected) still won’t talk. And I know pushing isn’t the answer for a lot of different reasons. I won’t do that. But I am allowed to be upset with him. It may be “his loss” but it still hurts.
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Love you
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