I recommend bourbon. For you, not the modem. 
Thanks everyone for all your help. Nothing's working, unfortunately, and now I'm starting to shut down from not knowing what I'm doing beyond unplugging, shutting down, rebooting.
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I'm leaning toward something quicker.
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Sorry. Perhaps tomorrow will bring new insight.
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No YT uploads, because I have to do them on the laptop. No lots of anything until this either resolves on its own (unlikely), or I fix this (also unlikely).
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