Dan Lawler

@theDanLawler

Producer. Comedian. Big balls haver. in your ears. ____ in your phone. ____ .

Los Angeles + NY, TO, LV, NOLA
imdb.com/name/nm1694144/
7,473 Vine Loops
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Joined February 2010
203 Photos and videos Photos and videos

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  1. Pinned Tweet
    13 Aug 2016

    The Pentagon lost $6.5 Trillion Dollars inside the Army budget. So, if anybody finds like 325 Billion $20s or maybe 867,000 tanks lemme know

    26 replies 409 retweets 783 likes
  2. 14 hours ago

    Political "Left" and "Right" are a social construct. What we should be talking about are the "Top" and "Bottom".

    3 retweets 12 likes
  3. Retweeted
    Jun 9

    CHOOSE YOUR NIGHTMARE:

    2 replies 6 retweets 4 likes
  4. Retweeted
    May 21

    I don't go swimming because it's never been 30 minutes after the last time I ate.

    37 replies 938 retweets 1,951 likes
  5. Retweeted
    Jun 3

    My hair has the 'I just got fucked hard' look going on. My hair is a liar.

    6 replies 57 retweets 161 likes
  6. Retweeted
    May 31

    <interview for Fear Factor> Thing that scares me most is eating platefuls of buffalo wings with nothing but delicious lager to drink omg no

    2 replies 30 retweets 75 likes
  7. Retweeted
    May 31
    Replying to

    I'm on come check it out 😎👍

    2 retweets 3 likes
  8. May 31
    Replying to

    "Hi, i'd like a beer but ruined" - first guy to order a saison.

    2 replies 4 likes
  9. May 31

    <interview for Fear Factor> Thing that scares me most is eating platefuls of buffalo wings with nothing but delicious lager to drink omg no

    2 replies 30 retweets 75 likes
  10. Retweeted
    Apr 29

    The I's in Boys II Men stand for "Illegal Immigrants".

    1 reply 21 retweets 54 likes
  11. Retweeted
    May 22

    Ever since Trump touched the orb his arms have been getting longer

    627 replies 27,920 retweets 75,172 likes
  12. Retweeted
    27 Jun 2016

    Let Me Tell You Something About Losing Your Virginity in a Ford Aspire: a Memoir by Kyle Duncan Graham

    2 replies 22 retweets 66 likes
  13. May 11

    What's your favorite kind of sandwich?

    3 retweets 6 likes
  14. Retweeted
    May 11
    Replying to

    POST-APOCALYPTIC JOURNAL ENTRY: After the Grammar Nazis took over the globe, The Wu-Tang Clan merely became a group with whom not to fuck.

    1 reply 4 retweets 15 likes
  15. Retweeted
    May 10

    If I'm on a date with a guy he orders a Bud Lite, I'll get up, walk to Rite Aid and buy him tampons

    1 reply 2 retweets 9 likes
  16. Retweeted
    May 7

    The Patriarchy Must Die, Charlie Brown

    2 replies 54 retweets 125 likes
  17. Retweeted
    May 9

    Comey was giving a speech at the FBI office when it came on the TV that he'd been fired...

    4 replies 152 retweets 517 likes
  18. May 5

    If this is the new wallet chain I am the fuck outta here

    1 reply 4 retweets 30 likes
  19. Retweeted
    May 5

    [World Cat Conference] President Cat: We have to dispell these stereotypes about cats. We need to- *he pushes his own notes off the podium*

    32 replies 2,003 retweets 4,755 likes
  20. Retweeted
    May 4

    1920: Heroin is good for a cough. 1970: All drugs are the devil. 2017: I GUESS marijuana might have some medicinal value.

    7 replies 175 retweets 346 likes
  21. May 5

    Bad is worse than dumb.

    1 retweet 9 likes

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