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  1. Pinned Tweet
    7 Jan 2016

    Sorry I'm late for work boss I've been making my cats dance to Lil Jon songs

  2. 12 hours ago

    Fun fact about me: I love snakes. But only this one. Feel free to unfollow me lol

  3. 22 hours ago

    Pro tip: always remember to zip up both sides of the carrier before you try to transport your cats 😫

  4. Jun 9

    The Jesus kids next-door at camp are learning about premarital sex this morning. Picture books included

  5. Jun 8

    Today was a really good day. I'm very thankful for those.

  6. Jun 8

    I never thought i would say this, but I want Donald Cheetos Fingers to tweet so bad right now.

  7. Jun 8

    lol I think Comey def would be fun to grab a beer with.

  8. Retweeted
    Jun 7

    Comey: He's guilty Democrats: He's guilty Trump: I'm guilty Republicans: We may never get to the bottom of this

  9. Jun 8

    This Comey testimony you guys

  10. Jun 7

    Yeahhhhhhhhh I'm definitely not gonna work indoors today with weather like this

  11. Jun 6

    Fun fact: if Jersey Shore was a kid it would be in third grade now 🙃

  12. Jun 6

    I have no idea what I just made but damn I'm glad I made it

  13. Jun 6

    The bad news is my power is out again but the good news is Toxic just came on the radio. This is me trying to be positive 🙃

  14. Jun 5

    I've been coming to Slider so much lately I wonder when they're gonna start asking me for rent money

  15. Jun 5

    Got my bike out tonight for the first time in two years and rode just over 20 miles in the rain. I'm le tired 😴

  16. Jun 5

    I've never been happier for a new week in my life. Three cheers for getting back into routines!

  17. Jun 4

    My parents are at a Metallica concert right now and that's never gonna be not funny to me

  18. Jun 4

    In case you forgot midtown kroger is the worst

  19. Jun 2

    If you're sad tonight I hope you have a to go box full of chocolate cake to eat in bed like I do

  20. Jun 2

    I let Jesus take the wheel this week like two days ago & evidently he doesnt want me to go to Zumba today cause the class time changed 🙃

  21. Jun 2

    Every time Donald Trump speaks it sounds like he's trying to swallow a dolphin whole.

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