:( a friend seems to be spiraling, asking for help in the form of staying with me, only giving vague info about wtf is going on, evading questions
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at this point I'm hearing from them 1x/month with alarming updates, minimal context, and no other social conversation now the request for help comes in, referencing an offer I made when the situation seemed more black and white in their favor+less risky to me
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I have no idea where this is on the spectrum from "young friend is in a one-off crisis and needs help navigating" to "recurring-crisis vector, totally losing their shit, active risk to me if I get involved"
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I'm not holding help hostage in exchange for active friendship, but all of my alarms are going off rn it would be a lot easier to assess where their head is if they were in more regular contact
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let a scared friend I trust crash for 3 days and help them navigate the process of getting help? sure! let a friend I haven't had a real conversation with in 6+ months crash for ??? days with no more info than a screenshot of their arrest for "disturbing the peace?" no.
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I've seen this sort of thing play out I do not have a hero complex, I am not my mother, I am not my grandfather, I won't risk my household's stability without an *extremely* good reason AND very good reasons to believe it's a rare/one-time thing
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at the same time, I was a mentor figure for this person while they were in their teens, and really wanted to support their transition to adulthood they don't have a lot of people they can trust my gut is telling me I'll have to say no and it breaks my heart
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hate it when someone I care about needs help but the risk to me is greater than the help I can offer
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Maybe a good time for some Exponential Backoff! Algorithms to Live By has a good chapter on this. Protecting yourself need not equal giving up on a person entirely. Here are my notes from that sectionpic.twitter.com/RQbPLxpKBu
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