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@stephen_withav is blocked
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As a kid I remember the modem would scream when you got online but now i have to do that myself
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[spelling bee] Moderator- Your word is copulate Me- *twirls hair* But we just met
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age 10: the floor is lava!!! hahahahahha age 25: the stable adult relationship is lava!!!! hahAhaha
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I'd get in a death cab for a cutie
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They've been trying to repeal ObamaCare for 7 yrs. If they'd really wanted to replace it, you'd think they'd have had some idea how by now.
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"Stop, Drop, Enroll" would be a good slogan for Firefighter school
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You can tell a lot about a man's character by how he behaves when given anonymity
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[at gym] me: [wiping down equipment after finishing with it] cute girl: you don't have to do that with the vending machine. are you crying
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Young pope was in prayboy magazine
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Don't come asking for votes in 2 yrs, if you're not actively resisting what is happening right now in the present time.
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My biggest problem in these ACA debates? I don't know how to explain to you why you should care about other people.
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Finally something Trump can relate tohttps://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/820257714362314753 …
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Barack - "honey are you ready?" Michelle - "hold on, just holding the sign" Barack - "what sign?" Michelle -pic.twitter.com/8sGTcrw2oa
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In six days an unhinged monster will take charge of our country and I for one, am terrified. In just six days. I can't believe this is real.
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*on phone with Pizza place* PP: I'm sorry but your pizza delivery guy got into a car accident on the way. Me: oh god!! Is my pizza okay??
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I never get pissed when fruit flies dive bomb my glass of wine. If I only had a few days to live, I'd drown myself in reisling too.
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“Need anything from the store?” Yes, can you get me a 1/4-lb of Worthlivingfore? “What is Worthlivingfore?” [stone-faced] I wish I knew.
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Just got a text from my mum. I'd forgotten that I had told her wi-fi was short for something else
pic.twitter.com/fCVXtsRl6g
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Millennials are making 20% less than baby boomers did at their age. I want to react to this news properly—what’s the opposite of “YAAAS?"
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[first date] Me: that is hilarious Date: ... Me: wait, bread or dead? Date: how would my parents be bread?
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