MetaJess

Here is a long thread about how I seem to be accidentally reinventing God.

Seems like a classic thesis-antithesis-synthesis process. Thesis: raised v christian, belief in literal god person Antithesis: excommunicated. not atheist exactly, but I find no meaning in the concept of a divine person. Instead I find meaning in purposeful work.

doing meaningful work, tryna "make a difference", I discover that most things are out of my control. preparation is good for building skills but it doesn't give me a more accurate picture of what's coming

the unpredictable uncertain unknowable dimension seems to be the biggest part of life. living is an endless process of discovering things I didn't see coming

I'm learning that a core factor in my quality of life is how I relate to this uncertainty. I can choose an anxious grasping attempt to control or with easeful fluid spontaneous expressions of care. [sidenote: this also applies to quality of life in groups]

so I'm seeing there are forces "much larger than me". I can make plans and lay all the groundwork but ultimately I have no control over whether or not I reach my objectives

e.g. for every BLM, XR, FFF, there are a 1000 attempted social movements that failed. for some of them, the founders did everything right, but the environmental conditions weren't in place. 10000000 kids said Fuck School but there was only 1 Greta in the right time & place

so I'm learning I can surrender to these larger forces. I still tend to my patch of the garden but I give up responsibility for what is out of my hands. if enough people do the same, humanity will be fine. if not, at least I die with my integrity and without excess stress