MetaJess

Remembering the first time I worked up the courage to ask a guy out (to approach instead of being approached). He used to work in a cafe across the street from my flat. The feels had me in there buying coffee bi-weekly and I *can't* even drink coffee

I'd breathe. Amp myself up and say I'd talk to him. Walk in, make eye contact, blush and leave. He'd make small friendly conversation as I was ordering. And it took all my functioning brain cells to come up with coherent responses. Mumble, whisper, ruuuuuuun

Took about 4 tries. Each time I'd tell my friends, 'alright! this is it. I swear I'm going to do it' and they'd go, 'yeah! do it!' Then I'd see him and get hit by a train of fear and nerves. I have a vague recollection of how scary it felt but I can't access the feeling anymore

Finally, I saw him at the food market on his day off. In his leather jacket . My heart lost its shit. My friend looked at me and smiled... but I kept walking. Then at the end of the road I did a dramatic 180 turn, counted to 3 and went up to him

You know when you're so nervous you can hear the blood rushing in your ears? I could barely hear this man. "Are you single?" He was charming. Sadly he had a gf but he made sure to uh... let me know what his response would've been if he was single. And other compliments

side note: my friends had a debate about his reply. Some thought it was inappropriate/not cool considering he had a GF. Others thought it was playful and cute. I was too busy processing the shock to contribute

I'm glad the memory came up today. I don't tend to do much remembering but it's fun to reflect on how much things have changed