Reading my diaries around the time I became polyamorous. Having this creepy feeling that what I had written wasn't "true", but I can't be sure. Where I think I've always felt "against x", like literally always, but there I am in my diary saying I'm "pro x".
There actually isn’t an x, simplified for tweeting. it’s more like I’m saying “I feel amazing, so changed, so free” about sex with someone but then never listed them on my “people Ive had sex with” list, not then and not ever and actually I feel weird about them
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So it’s like you’ve lied to yourself and now you’re wondering if you really thought you were lying at the time, if that makes any sense. I think this is partly why I fear writing. Like the past self is challenging you.
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Yeah I’m wondering if I knew I was lying then or not? Or have I just changed the narrative of myself over time and for some reason that guy got dropped... I think I knew I was lying and now to read it is very, very cringe
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