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Reading my diaries around the time I became polyamorous. Having this creepy feeling that what I had written wasn't "true", but I can't be sure. Where I think I've always felt "against x", like literally always, but there I am in my diary saying I'm "pro x".
It could be that memory is fallible, of course. But in some cases I think I've written down I'm "pro x" because I *want to be* pro x, but literally as soon as I write it I realise it feels icky and I'm not pro x at all. But rarely go back and say that in the diary of course.
What was the x?!
There actually isn’t an x, simplified for tweeting. it’s more like I’m saying “I feel amazing, so changed, so free” about sex with someone but then never listed them on my “people Ive had sex with” list, not then and not ever and actually I feel weird about them
I see this in my (rather infrequent) diaries too. A good way to spot the lies I was telling myself (sometimes still am) is that they recur throughout the years adorned in increasingly reluctant tone
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