wild speculation: crushes are a symptom of "stuck" emotional energy, and are actually a form of anxiety, a socially sanctioned one that you are encouraged to enjoy instead of freak out about
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i keep trying to write about this and it keeps not quite being fully cooked, but just like... something wild happens when you use an ontology that was designed for the needs of a *bureaucracy* in order to *understand and explain yourself to yourself and others*
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If you haven’t read History of Sexuality vol 1 by Foucault you really need to do so rn (it’s short and spicy 
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i think it got somewhere on my reading list at some point but jessica my reading list is *so long* and i have so little time
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i would read a twitter thread on it though lol if you have one lying around
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The Psychic Life of Power by Judith Butler perhaps goes further even the first vol of Hist of Sex. With respect to that energetic something that can energize or terrify, The Powers of Horror on the abject stays with me 20 years since I read it.
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