A very large part of my mental activity is devoted, in one way or another, to figuring out how everything works.
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As a kid I wanted to know how the world works, how systems work, how machines work. I wanted to know the rules so I could follow them.
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Later I wanted to know how I work, how brains work, how emotions work. Literature. Art. Government. Crowds. Digestive systems.
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Took a long time for me to realise I should try to figure out how other people work.
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This tendency was born from trauma. I wanted to know how things worked so that I could try to stop them from hurting and scaring me.
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Now it's just a habit that has served me quite well, but I'm more frequently side-eyeing, wondering whether to double down and try to use it in career/life, or whether to actively stop, in case its blocking something else, or even hurting me
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