MetaJess

Short thread on my first experience of meta-systematicity, “fluid mode” or Kegan’s interindividual stage. I remember the first time I questioned a system - it was political. I was throughly versed in the feminist, sjw system and more broadly the leftist spectrum

... especially the rich academic nuance that was prominent before the social media madness. I had built my entire identity and ethics around it. Kegan calls this self-authorship, where an individual builds a system of identity for themselves in the institutional stage.

When I realised that the “other” side was equally nuanced, rather than evil or “obviously wrong”, I had a terrible realisation of the relativity of each system and the rug was completely pulled away beneath my feet. I had malaise for a long time after.

The not-knowing-what-I-thought was about 2-3 years. But feeling sad/guilty (malaise is a strong word) was not quite so long, I guess 6 months solid then on and off after that.