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I didn’t know what I believed anymore because previously I had thought my personal identity was based on something Right and True. Now I could see the system I used was based on founding assumptions that, while noble, and reasonable were mostly arbitrary.
And that it was perfectly possible for other people to choose completely different foundations, which were equally reasonable, noble and arbitrary and build a completely different, but equally justified, other identity. I couldn’t talk to any of my friends about this
because to question the system would be heresy. Rather than be kicked out for having wrong beliefs I drifted away from them. I felt evil for a while, a moral relativist. Getting more right wing as I got older and all that. But once I saw it, I couldn’t un-see it.
Ah yes, the equally reasonable right wing beliefs in racial supremacy, justifying internment camps and constant war in the middle east :) so noble and as equally arbitrary as SJW beliefs. I'd rather pick the arbitrary beliefs that don't justify genocide, thanks!
Richard Rorty described a similar “fall” from belief in truth and developed a stance he called “liberal ironism” which combines motivation to reduce cruelty with a continual doubt in one’s own “final vocabulary” and a disinterest in convincing others by foundational debate
This was exactly my experience as well
Which is to say, Wow, I have yet to have anyone reflect this experience back to me and I am very happy to have stumbled upon your blog/twitter.
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