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The way out of this mess is in my experience to talk about people *privately* with other people you trust, maybe in oblique and veiled ways It’s an elaborate and complex puzzle, but it releases a lot of tension in my experience. I have to compare and corroborate and figure out
In my poly / radical honesty community I have also come to believe that talking privately about other people is essential (and isn’t necessarily negative, which is what gossip implies. Gossip becomes super beautiful in a sex/body/relationship positive world).
Yup it can be done from a place of love
We say that if you are "gossiping" or speaking negatively about someone, you are likely mad at them and withholding a resentment. Tell them. If you talk about someone positively behind their back, then you may be withholding an appreciation. Same thing, tell them what you said.
I feel like both of those instances require some degree of certainty; most of the time I’m looking to corroborate vague hunches which are likely wrong
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