Dan Finkelstein

@spalt

i tweet about all sorts of useless shit

ellicott city, md
Joined April 2007
146 Photos and videos Photos and videos

Tweets

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  1. Retweeted
    Jun 7

    When you see the reviews for the new Mummy

    194 replies 8,283 retweets 25,501 likes
  2. Retweeted
    Jun 6

    this is the best paragraph of 2017

    40 replies 781 retweets 1,769 likes
  3. Jun 6

    . "hoo boy! sure as shit, this ol' hearing is fixin' to be a real crackerjack! a real lulu! he's gonna give trump a knuckle sammich!"

  4. Jun 6

    had to be towed from the side of the road after my fuel pump went belly up. my model 3 can't get here fast enough!

  5. Retweeted
    Jun 2

    HELP ME PLEASE. A MAN NEEDS HIS CLIMATE PROTECTED

    2,068 replies 386,994 retweets 146,825 likes
  6. Jun 3

    d'oh

    If a junior developer accidentally destroys production on their first day, it's *your company's* fault, not theirs.
  7. Jun 3

    cc , you twat

    People employed in coal industry: 51,000 People employed in solar power industry: 260,000 Tell me again how this was about jobs.
  8. Retweeted
    Jun 2

    Someone just screamed "FUCK YOU PAUL RYAN" while we were inserting her IUD and I've never laughed so hard in my life

    176 replies 11,367 retweets 47,480 likes
  9. Jun 1

    yes please

    0:11
    「スペースインベーダー」アーケードゲームの新作…！？ ではなく、実はこれ海外で稼働中のものらしいのです。日本で遊べるのは(たぶん)タイトー本社の休憩スペースだけ…( ˘ω˘)社内ではさり気なくスコア争いが繰り広げられていますw
  10. Retweeted
    May 31

    This negative review of that new Beetlejuice-themed bar in Hollywood makes me want to live there.

    98 replies 4,576 retweets 17,528 likes
  11. Retweeted
    May 30

    Hey cool, the number one thing trending on twitter is the world trying to interpret the President of the United States's deteriorating brain

    4 replies 118 retweets 652 likes
  12. May 31

    i hope the jokes end soonfefe

  13. Retweeted
    May 29

    Happy 90th anniversary of the President's father being arrested at a Ku Klux Klan march.

    218 replies 14,531 retweets 30,321 likes
  14. Retweeted
    May 29

    Wanna feel old? This is Hanson now.

    1,153 replies 24,867 retweets 67,445 likes
  15. May 25

    who dropped you on your head donny? tell daddy who did the bad thing to you.

    Imagine being such a fucking moron that research is being done on why you're such a fucking moron.
  16. May 20

    cuck-a-doodle-doo

    This is what his base likes to call "triggered."
  17. Retweeted
    May 19

    That Russian meeting has so many layers, with each one sort of nesting inside the other. If only there were a good metaphor for that.

    69 replies 533 retweets 2,030 likes
  18. May 19

    ok google what is impeachment

    White House lawyers are researching impeachment, sources say
  19. May 19

    . eat it fucker

    A celebration of the and reporters who launched a new golden age of journalism.
  20. May 17

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