crappystuffforjerks

@somecleverthing

No one needs to know any of this shit.

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Joined December 2013
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  1. Pinned Tweet
    6 Jun 2014

    [online dating profile] About Me: Food goes in my mouth hole. Music is sounds. I like sounds. medium-going, pretty sat-back. Am people.

    27 replies 808 retweets 2,623 likes
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  2. Retweeted
    Feb 19

    My dog done lost his DAMN MIND WTF

    1,236 replies 53,989 retweets 517,425 likes
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  3. 17 hours ago

    I have never been horny for a beverage, until now.

    5 replies 1 retweet 12 likes
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  4. Retweeted
    17 hours ago

    You will die someday.

    14 replies 127 retweets 714 likes
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  5. Retweeted
    22 hours ago

    No edits/commercial breaks! This is the full documentary!

    The COMPLETE version of “Patrice O’Neal: Killing Is Easy” is now available on the app, with no commercial breaks.
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    138 replies 386 retweets 3,871 likes
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  6. Retweeted
    Feb 19

    can't stop laughing at these early jim henson commercials where one guy just kills another for not liking wilkins coffee

    1,234 replies 28,535 retweets 104,868 likes
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  7. Retweeted
    8 Aug 2020

    We once believed that a million monkeys, placed in front of a million keyboards, could re-invent Shakespeare. Thanks to the Internet, we have learned this is not true.

    11 replies 49 retweets 216 likes
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  8. Feb 20

    Honestly what is it about me that inspires this in people??

    4 likes
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  9. Feb 19

    What. The. Fuck.

    7 replies 19 likes
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  10. Retweeted
    Jan 23

    No one gives a better massage than a guy who’s trying to get laid.

    349 replies 549 retweets 3,994 likes
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  11. Feb 19

    You can still dm me if you know what I’m talking about. 🤣

    2 replies 12 likes
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  12. Feb 18

    Of all the songs I’ve ever been a part of writing I remember this one the best. Up All Night via

    3 likes
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  13. Retweeted
    Feb 18

    WTF IS AN ACRONYM

    51 replies 149 retweets 564 likes
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  14. Feb 18

    I ate my first Funyun tonight. How in the FUCK did I go this long without this snack in my life?!?

    12 replies 55 likes
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  15. Feb 18

    I just had a full on nerd ass conversation about Star Wars and I haven’t felt this alive in YEARS.

    1 reply 1 retweet 28 likes
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  16. Feb 18

    I FUCKING LOVE STAR WARS.

    1 reply 23 likes
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  17. Retweeted
    Feb 17

    I miss the intentionality of Blockbuster. If you’re going to spend a night of precious life watching Ernest Goes to Jail with your hand in a Buncha Crunch, you SHOULD have to stand in line and look a cashier in the eye first

    22 replies 62 retweets 761 likes
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  18. Feb 18

    Some pizza sauce ended up on one of my pillows and I just flipped it over, like a gd grownup.

    2 retweets 17 likes
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  19. Feb 17

    This makes me sound like such a dick and I’m sorry.

    3 replies 5 likes
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  20. Feb 17

    Let me add that women who are insecure yelling “you’re so pretty!!” is equally unnerving. Idk. I’m sorry I’m so bad at words rn.

    1 reply 10 likes
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  21. Feb 17

    I will find the words tomorrow, when it’s too late.

    2 replies 1 retweet 23 likes
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