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Prikvačeni tweet
Kids Crafts be like: Here's some brightly colored garbage to store in your house! You can use it to make more garbage!
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I fed everyone but myself lunch and now I'm irritable and starving but nothing sounds good so I'm going to stand and stare furiously into the refrigerator until I realize I'm tired and sit down to eat a protein bar: A memoir.
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Some Boys' Mother proslijedio/la je Tweet
“Whoever used the last of the toilet paper better come replace it!” I yell knowing full well it was me but like to watch my husband and stepdaughter squirm until one of them finally gives in and changes it. It’s how I wield my power.
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Some Boys' Mother proslijedio/la je Tweet
Curious, how many years do you keep a mismatched sock before you can get rid of it? Is it like taxes? 7years?
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Some Boys' Mother proslijedio/la je Tweet
Dear parents, Your child will never receive the correct number of chicken nuggets. Accept this.
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Some Boys' Mother proslijedio/la je Tweet
3 woke me up at 5:15am with a nightmare of demands and then 10 was just a big mess of attitude but now they’re in school and I’m pretending I don’t have kids... while folding their stupid laundry.
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Some Boys' Mother proslijedio/la je Tweet
For 13 years, anything I'm eating, if it's got a bad spot or if I drop it on the floor, I walk up to my husband and feed it to him. He thinks I'm being sweet and nice, but I'm actually getting rid of food that I've deemed not good enough for me to consume.
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Some Boys' Mother proslijedio/la je Tweet
Dear daughter, This attitude is only cute when I do it. Take several seats, Mom
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Some Boys' Mother proslijedio/la je Tweet
I'm not the most organized person, but I try to keep all the Lego blocks contained My toddler thinks under the couch is most efficient
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Some Boys' Mother proslijedio/la je Tweet
Pre-teen boys spend approximately 40% of their day jumping up to touch ceilings or the tops of door frames.
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Some Boys' Mother proslijedio/la je Tweet
#ChiefsKingdom
#TrumpIsAnIdiot Chiefs need to accept an invite to the White House and show up in Washington state.


#SuperBowl
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Some Boys' Mother proslijedio/la je Tweet
If I search the refrigerator thoroughly and can’t find what I’m looking for, it’s most likely still in there somewhere.
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I am never filled with more blinding suffocated rage than when I calmly watch my 3 year "DO IT MYSELF!"
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Some Boys' Mother proslijedio/la je Tweet
My 3y.o struggled to find his words. A year ago, he barely referred to me as “Papa” and was largely silent. However with some excellent speech therapy and lots of practice he demonstrated his new skills at dinner last night, looking down at his plate and saying: “What the fuck?”
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Some Boys' Mother proslijedio/la je Tweet
4yo: *crying* Me: what's wrong? 4yo: my cereal won't smile at me! Me: look at me 4yo: *still crying* Me: *pulls 4yo close* are you on drugs? 4yo: I love puppies Me: ARE YOU HIGH RIGHT NOW?
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Some Boys' Mother proslijedio/la je Tweet
3: mama Me: yea? 3: mama Me: yea. 3: mama Me: mmhm 3: mama! Me: OMG WHAT?! 3: mama? Me: *with guilty exasperation* yes? 3: look at this leaf
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Some Boys' Mother proslijedio/la je Tweet
[playing space/astronauts with 2yo] 2: look. i’m a ROCKET BITCH! Me: you mean rocket sh... wait. no. i like it.
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Some Boys' Mother proslijedio/la je Tweet
The app is called “You’re Cancelled.” When you’ve made plans that you wish you could cancel, you go into the app and press a little button. If the other person presses theirs too, congratulations! Confetti exploded and your plans are cancelled.
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Some Boys' Mother proslijedio/la je Tweet
My planner has a “Goals” section. “Go to gym more” I write in pink sparkle pen around the grease spots from the chips I’m eating.
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Some Boys' Mother proslijedio/la je Tweet
Sunday Fundays pre-kids: Beer pong, flip cup, making out with random strangers, staying up til 4AM Sunday Fundays post-kids: Drinking one hard cider at a play place, chasing it with an Advil, trying not to talk to random strangers, wanting to go to bed by 4 PM
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Some Boys' Mother proslijedio/la je Tweet
I’m pretty sure “it’s almost clean” doesn’t mean what my 11yo thinks it means.
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