Not Sara

@smithsara79

My name really isn't Sara; I just don't want my students googling me & finding out I say fuck. (she/they)

Vrijeme pridruživanja: srpanj 2013.

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    21. svi 2017.

    "Hey, you guys dare me to eat this whole party sub by myself?" I ask the dolls that line my bedroom shelves

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  2. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 21 sat

    My bf’s dad moved from Australia to Canada years ago but still has a full on Australian accent. Like instead of “hello,” he says “g’day!” & he says “Sunday” like “sundee,” & he pronounces “it’s so nice to meet you!” as “you will never be good enough for my son.”

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  3. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    A guy who lives on my street rang my doorbell and said, “Are you the lesbian who saves the cats?” And I said, “Yes. That’s exactly who I am. Let me get my coat.”

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  4. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 12 sati
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  5. prije 18 sati

    9 more days!

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  6. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    22. svi 2018.

    Me, to myself: Okay, just be cool, don't say anything weird Any woman: *says something that makes me laugh* Me, out loud: THAT'S HILARIOUS WE SHOULD BE SISTER WIVES BUT WITHOUT THE HUSBAND

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  7. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    4. velj 2018.

    Friend: Can I be honest with you about something? Me: Of course! Friend: You sometimes- Me: *walking into the ocean* Hahah I know, right?

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  8. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    9. velj 2018.

    [trying to make a new friend] ...so that's the worst thing that's ever happened to me, now you go

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  9. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    4. velj

    “i’m not looking to date right now” is never fun to receive but the person i was talking to really softened the blow with “and i’m not really looking to make friends either”

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  10. prije 21 sat

    My bf’s dad moved from Australia to Canada years ago but still has a full on Australian accent. Like instead of “hello,” he says “g’day!” & he says “Sunday” like “sundee,” & he pronounces “it’s so nice to meet you!” as “you will never be good enough for my son.”

    Poništi
  11. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    I imagine this is what it looks like when you open the door to Heaven.

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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    5. velj

    Feminism in politics is shaking your head ever so slightly as the bad men absolutely blast diarrhea into your home

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  13. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    5. velj

    Girl power is stomping all over poor people to walk up to the man that threw them on the ground and saying “sir, no!”

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  14. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    4. velj

    my sister used my makeup so I made what I thought was an obvious joke what in gods name is up with her gullibility??

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  15. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    3. velj

    People grow. Opinions change. Tastes develop. With that in mind, I keep revisiting melons (honeydew & cantaloupe, specifically) to see if I’ll like them. But no, as of Monday, February 3rd, 2020, I must reluctantly report that melons are still garbage.

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  16. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    10. lis 2017.

    Transition lenses but instead of reacting to light they get darker the more someone talks at you.

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  17. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    27. tra 2016.

    "It's not the size of the stick that's important, Dave!" "WHROTEVER ROOZERS"

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  18. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    31. sij

    ME: [jumping in cab] Follow that truck DRIVER: The one selling ice-cream? ME: JUST DO IT

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  19. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    7. stu 2015.

    Me: I'd invite you in but my place is a mess Friend: That's OK. I don't mind M: The mess tho F: Don't be silly M: I don't want u in my house

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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    31. sij

    if you’re drowning in nostalgia or yearning for the impossible; may i suggest a natural remedy for your soul? pretend you’re the world’s smallest frog swimming in a tropical pond and never getting emails.

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  21. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    3. velj

    [Watching halftime show] ME: I hope I look as good as Jlo when I’m 50. GIRLFRIEND: You don’t look that good now. ME: Yeah I’m not 50 yet.

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